Blessing Life

I spend a lot of time at the kitchen table these days.  It sits by the patio door which offers a wonderful view of the back yard and the critters out there.  We have a couple of rabbits that we release to the yard as soon as the garden is in.  They like spending the winter out of the hutch and we like watching them romp around in the snow.  They dig themselves a burrow during the fall and trim back the lawn and perennials for us.

When the snow falls we go back to feeding them, so they come to the patio for some hay and rabbit pellets.  I also love to feed the wild bird once the snow falls.  I suppose they find it harder to find food when everything's covered with snow.

This year I bought a one gallon black rubber bowl to set out.  The animals can manage by eating snow, but I suppose it consumes a lot of energy.  I set out the bowl yesterday and with the sun on it the water never froze until sunset.  Apparently the black rubber absorbs the sun's heat and keeps the water from freezing.  This was a surprise as the temperature was below zero all morning and after four hours it still hadn't frozen.

The rabbits and birds love having water to drink!

In just 24 hours we've seen Starlings, Eurasian Collared Doves, Juncos and House Finches.  I'm also tossing some cracked corn out in hopes of attracting quail.

There was a time when I wanted to possess these creatures, an others.  At one time or another I've had Chinchillas, an Iguana, dogs, cats, turtles and tortoises, lizards, horses, parakeets, fish, and hedgehogs.  Somehow, the act of caging, penning, leashing, corralling and otherwise controlling their lives became unpleasant for me.  I keep the rabbits only because I don't want to eat them and don't know what else to do with them.  It is painful to put them back in the hutch in the Spring.  I don't think they'll be replaced when they're gone.

Yesterday while watching the menagerie outside the patio door Sarah, the neighbor's cat showed up.  My first reaction was to case her off with extreme prejudice.  I don't want her eating my birds, now do I?  Then I noticed Bandit take notice as well.  Bandit is my grand kid's dog.  He and they live right behind us.  For days I have watched Bandit guard his dog dish.  The doves and starlings have been busy helping themselves to his food and he has been busy chasing them off.  He is mostly Great Pyrenees with a little Australian Shepherd mixed in.  Might even be 50/50 but mostly he got the great genes.  He spends his days supervising the rabbits from his side of the chain-link fence.  Now he's a bit frustrated that he can't chase the birds away from the feeders.  He was really frustrated that Sarah could prance around over here with such impunity.

Anyway, decided if I was about blessing life, I shouldn't be prejudiced toward Sarah.  She needs to eat too. I've always known that when you feed birds you are setting the table for cats and hawks and falcons.  It's just the way of things.  I decided I want to be about blessing life, not fixing it.  So Sarah is just as welcome as the birds are.  She's also a bit frustrated because Bandit's bark is certainly fair warning for the birds and her prospects are pretty slim as Bandit is vigilant in spades.  So, it all works out.  The rabbits have company.  The birds have food.  Sarah has a challenge.  And Bandit, who is a working dog, has a job.

The interesting thing is how I feel.  Emancipating myself from the task of fixing things has freed me up to a lot more pleasure observing how things turn out in my little back yard.  Now, I still wonder about an intruder far more distasteful and sinister than Sarah.  I have a great distaste for Starlings.  We'll have to see if I can make room in my heart to be willing to bless them too.  Oh look!  There's one now!  Getting a drink.  Bandit has him pretty jumpy....so far so good.

I fell asleep last night thinking about this business of blessing life instead of fixing it.  I think it may very well apply to my relationships with people as well as critters.  I think I just might be learning to quit trying to control things.  Life naturally has balance and things usually settle out as God intended.  I've just got to let go and let that happen.  Something tells me things will just work out better if I will stop trying to fix life and simply observe it, love it and bless it where I can.

Book Review - The Invisible Saint by Curtis Taylor

I hope I don't create a lot of frustration by reviewing this book.  It is out of print, though several used copies are currently available through Amazon.com.  I read The Invisible Saint several years ago.  I got it from the local library.  Recently, I wished to review a concept and story presented in the book, but the library had since disposed of the volume.    I asked Sweetie to Book Mooch it but none were found there.  She did, however find it used on Amazon and bought me one for Christmas!

This comes close to being my favorite LDS novel.  It is crisp, hilarious, respectful and inspiring.  It was published in 1990 but I didn't find it to be out of date in the least.  In fact in my own case, it seemed more pertinent today than it did 20 years ago.  Most LDS humor makes me cringe as too often it borders on sacrilege.  Other LDS fiction sometimes gets a little too syrupy for me.  Neither is the case with this gem.

It's about a regular guy who no one seems to notice.  He gets to feeling like he must be invisible.  It certainly appears that he doesn't, appear that is.  He is a sweet, kind, good person.  He sets out to bless the lives of those around him and seems pretty clumsy in his attempt.  Still things work out wonderfully and I begin to realize that when our hearts are sincere, God blesses our efforts despite the awkward attempts we make to help.

I have felt pretty invisible, and clumsy, myself, lately and reading this book now has been a great comfort to me.  It is going on the shelf where I won't lose track of it because I well definitely read it again.  If not for the comfort, then for the hilarious laughs.

Remember, the Lord loves his servants, bungling, or otherwise.  He must get quite a kick out of us too!

*****

I Believe in Synchronicity

I can usually be found reading three books at a time.  One, I keep by my beside.  Another is always on the bus.  The third, is in my study (or as Jeff calls it, The Man Cave.)  Additionally, I read The Book of Mormon most every day and try to read The Ensign magazine as regularly as I can.  I try to keep up on the news too.  Early in our marriage when I discovered Sweetie simultaneously reading multiple books I was flabbergasted.  I couldn't imagine how she kept track of which was which.  After trying it though, I found it no different than following several TV series.  While I'm not particularly brilliant, I am able to do this.

There are a couple of pluses to reading different books at a time.  I always have a book near by and don't have to pack one with me.  I have one everywhere I like to read.  I pick a type of book that fits the place I will be reading.  Something with short stand alone chapters is nice for the bedside table.  I don't last long reading in bed, but I do love to go to bed thinking of something inspirational and thought provoking.  I'm currently reading My Grandfather's Blessings, in bed.   I like to read novels on the bus.  Bus driving includes a lot of waiting.  Waiting for departure times.  Waiting while passengers visit this or participate in that.  That sort of thing.  A good novel passes the time quite pleasantly.  With longer layovers, I like to write too.  Like right now.  I'm sitting, and writing, in the bus in Park City, while waiting to return a load of skiers to Vernal after their day on the slopes.

In my study I read something heavier; usually philosophical or biographical in nature.  There I can take notes and check references a little easier.  Though, with my iPhone I do that with novels and other books too.  I love having the internet handy to look things up like locations, definitions, historical accuracy; stuff like that.

Now to the best reason for reading multiple books over the same period of time.  Synchronicity.  Early on I began noticing how very often what I was learning in one volume was enhanced, reinforced or clarified in another.

Here's an example:  A while back I was reading A Trick of the Light by Louise Penny.  Penny is my favorite novelist right now.  She makes me think.  She quietly challenges my perceptions and teaches me a lot about myself.  One of her characters, Inspector Beauvoir, posed a question, "Can people really change?"  Eventually she answers the question, but that comes at the end of the book.  I'm trying to make some changes and Louise helped me see what that looks like.  I've wanted to change some things about myself for a very long time and I, like Louise's character, was wondering it it was really possible.

  At the same time I was reading Glenn Beck's 7 Wonders that Will Change Your Life, obviously that too was addressing the possibility of people changing.  But on that day, I read:  "Your path is to forever evolve into yourself, to be striving to become the person your are supposed to be."  In other words, my job is to change.  But Beck makes it also very plain that it is sometimes a slow evolutionary, or in my case, glacial, process.

The next morning I was listening to a recording of October 2013 General Conference on my phone and heard our dear prophet, President Thomas S. Monson speak these words:  "We need to bear in mind that people can change. They can put behind them bad habits. They can repent from transgressions."   Who better to answer our question (me and  Beauvoir) than this faithful servant of the Lord.

Now, I'm not writing to persuade you that change is possible, or that I've changed.  I just wanted to show you that synchronicity happens.  And to show you that reading several books during the same period of time makes synchronicity almost common place.  It certainly occurs in other dimensions of my life but most frequently in the books and other literature I expose myself to.

Now you need to understand that I pretty carefully select what I read so that I don't miss out on the best books by wasting time with mediocre ones.  Even so, I do not choose them for theme or subject matter.  In fact the less my books have in common the more frequent the synchronicity!  If everything I read hovered around the same subject matter, I wouldn't call common themes synchronicity at all.

Truth is, I don't usually call it synchronicity.  Glenn Beck calls it Bread Crumbs.  Carol Lynn Pearson calls it Love Notes from Heaven.  Elder David A. Bednar and Nephi call it The Tender Mercies of the Lord.  I like that one best.

Oh, Canada

Sweetie and I have spent many precious days north of the border.  Too often we overlook the great neighbors we have up there.  Most Americans can't even name the capital city of our closest ally and friend.  Can you?  Here Tom Brokaw explains Canada to American's.  No spoiler; he won't be answering the question for you.

Book Review - The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene' Brown

Every once in a while you encounter something so unique and special that it stands head and shoulders above the crowd.  That is most definitely the case with Brene' Brown's book The Gifts of Imperfection!  The subtitle of the book says it all:  Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are.  I have spent my life smothered by what I perceived as the expectations of others.  So much so that I am, at 62, hard pressed to know who I really am.  And now, at long last, I have someone who gets that and is willing to teach me how to climb out of the trap.

                                                        **   WARNING  **

In the final chapter Brene' warns:  Choosing to live and love with our whole hearts is an act of defiance.  You're going to confuse, piss off and terrify lots of people - including yourself.

I intend to continue with my transformation to living with my whole heart.  If she is right, which I strongly suspect she is, I imagine I will be busy fulfilling her prophecy.  So be it.

That said, I also have expectations of acceptance and encouragement in my quest.  Last evening my wife's family gathered from far and wide on the occasion of the blessing of a new baby in the family.  We gathered at the church cultural hall for pot luck and games and lots and lots of visiting.  Part way through the activities the young girls announced a program they'd put together.  The stage curtains were drawn and we enjoyed dance and drama and song.  After the children had exhausted their repertoire, they invited the audience to participate.  I'd just read Brene's chapter on song, dance and laughter.  While reading it I was jealous of those who can openly express their joy in song and dance and other silliness.  It is a very vulnerable thing to do.  I decided that my time had come to reach inside and resurrect the inner child.  I climbed on stage (not so gracefully) stepped into the wings, and emerging, walked like a chicken across the stage.  The audience called for an encore and I complied with my imitation of an egg beater.  Another round of applause called for my famous fried egg imitation, which rendition I had not done in 30 years!  That was also received with hoots and laughter.

My point?  I had let my need to be cool, suppress all that wonderful joy and personal expression.  For years and years.  One of the things I loved about our visit to Nova Scotia and Newfoundland was the participatory nature of their entertainment.  Everybody sang, everybody danced.  I hope they never lose that.  I hope they never decline to the spectator society the rest of the continent as acquiesced to.

Brown calls the enemy gremlins.  I suspect she does this because most of the shame-based feed back we get, which tends to keep us in our place, is not a maliciously thought out assault, but rather, the effect of an entire culture gone off the beam.  She says:

The gremlins get lots of mileage out of "supposed to" - the battle cry of fitting in, perfectionism, people-pleasing and proving ourselves.....To overcome self-doubt and "supposed to," we have to start owning the messages.  What makes us afraid?  What's on our "supposed to" list?  Who says?  Why?

We get a lot of "supposed to's" in the church.  And some of them make me afraid.  Many of them are not expressed by current fellows in the church but are echos of the lessons and experiences of the past.  Still, friends in my Ward may well expect some "Why's?" and "Who said's" from me.

Now, lest you expect you'll find me more obnoxious as a result of my quest for wholeheartedness; I'll be trying to follow the rest of Brene's advice by seeking to be Courageous, Compassionate and Connected.
By Courageous she means being willing to fully embrace who I am and being brave enough to be that vulnerable.  Obviously, that means my "cool factor" will be in decline.  By Compassionate she means that I must let go of my resentment toward any whom I perceive as trying to shame me back into my old people pleasing, inauthentic ways.  It also means that I must realize that most everyone is just as afraid to be themselves as I am.  By Connected she means that I must seek to develop meaningful relationships along my journey by helping others become authentic as well.

There are Pharisees among us.  I know because I've been one.  I hope I've rooted that out of my system; though I rather doubt that it's entirely gone.  I too am a product of this culture.  The Pharisees like the control their manipulations create and the status that results from it.  They are bound to find me threatening and I'm just going to have to deal with that with all the charity I can muster.  I will most certainly blow it now and again.  This quest for wholehearted authenticity will be, no doubt, a life long journey.  Let it start today!

There are also, wonderful, authentic, exemplary fellow travelers.  One hero was Cheiko Okasaki, who wrote a wonderful book entitled Lighten Up!  I remember her saying in that book:

In principles, great clarity
In practices, great charity

I didn't like that very much when I was a Pharisee.  I'm going to re-read that book next because I strongly suspect that in light of what I've learned from Brene' Brown, Sister Okasaki's book is going to make a whole lot more sense.

Brene' Brown has taught me that:

Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness.  It's about cultivating the courage, compassion and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough.  It's going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn't change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging. 

E. E. Cummings wrote:

To be nobody-but-yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody but yourself - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight - and never stop fighting. 

It occurs to me that the late Stephen R. Covey's observation is apropos.  He observed that the chief characteristic of those who reach the Celestial Kingdom is being "valiant in the testimony of Jesus."  He then points out that it is quite possible that that statement refers to Christ's testimony about us as well as referring to our testimony about Him.  His testimony, based on everything He was, said or did, is that we are of infinite worth and divine potential.  We are worthy.  Worthy of love, acceptance, belonging - just as we are.  We may not yet be worthy to attend the temple or enter into Heaven, but we are enough, for now, just the way we are.  In so many ways, Jesus said so.  I pray the day soon comes when our message to one another parallels His.

*****