Who would dare to presume to go into a home as a representative of the Lord without first seeking the Lord's guidance and blessing through prayer. Me. I've done that very thing far too often. Be it resolved that from hence forth, I will cease and desist that prideful practice. Dear Brother Pennington taught me this principle when he came over to train me as a Family History records extractor. He was appalled that I just set to work on my extraction without ever pausing to seek the grace of God to influence my errand. Thank you Ned for your kind counsel. Each set of Home Teachers ought to seek the Lord in order to best meet the needs of each family they are assigned. How much better and easier our work will be under the direction of God.
We've all heard horror stories of tactless and hurtful things spoken to people newly returning to activity. Or of offensive things spoken by Home Teachers to families they visit. Is it any wonder that many people would just plain prefer not to have anyone visit them any more. The only sure way to ensure that the things we say and do in our Home Teaching assignments are beneficial, not detrimental, is to speak the words of Christ as directed by the Holy Ghost.
For this reason, it is inappropriate to script in advance, the things one might say. We as leaders need to shy away from giving examples of other's success stories without making it plain that what was said successfully in situation A, might not fly in situation B. How grateful I am that the Holy Ghost will guide the words I speak so that I have no fear of stepping beyond my bounds. Only God knows what is best spoken in each particular case.
I believe that one of the key reasons members of the Church have been notorious for resisting the repeated invitations to go out and be member missionaries; is because they've been told what to say and do and when they get out there, the Spirit counsels otherwise. How often were we told in my own youth to GQ everybody. GQ meaning to ask the Golden Question, "What do you know about the Mormon Church? Would you like to know more?" How many times were those questions flatly rejected because the candidate was no where near prepared to answer in a "golden" way. I'm certain that the reluctance I felt and often over rode in a determination to be obedient was the Spirit whispering, "He's not ready yet. Take some time, be patient, loving, friendly, exemplary and the day will come when he will ask you."
Now don't get me wrong. GQing worked. Hundreds joined the church after being asked that question. Often it was the perfect question, but more often it was not. Perhaps influenced by a sales mentality the GQ movement was a numbers game. Ask enough people and a certain percentage will buy. If all we're about is getting numbers then what of those, who might respond to a gentler, more patient approach. We were told on my mission that if we couldn't get them into the water is six weeks, we were to abandon them and move on to greener pastures. What if the Elders and Sisters who taught Agusto Lim did that. It took nine months of continual visits to prepare him for baptism. Since then he's been a General Authority, Mission President, Temple president and much more. I mention him because he was in our Mission Presidency when I was in the Philippines and he hated that "six weeks" policy.
"Six Weeks" and "GQ" have largely disappeared from our culture, but their effects remain among many of us. Especially for those who are goal oriented and desire impressive numbers. It is easy for those to whom numbers are important to abandon the slow ones for the "golden" ones. What a sin, to declare anyone less than golden. What a sin to ignore, abandon, reject or neglect those who don't make us look good. God wants all of His children home, not just some of them. If we Home Teach by the Spirit, we will know that and our efforts will be congruent with that knowledge.
Sometimes the things we say and do with the Spirit have less to do with words and more to do with feelings. I once had a wonderful young Aaronic Priesthood companion who taught me this lesson in a very poignant way. We had visited the home of Sister Wilson for months. She was in her late eighties and had not been to church since she was a girl. She was always sweet, hospitable and welcoming. She didn't resist having lessons, but she specifically rejected my invitations to attend church. One day she asked why Kaleo never gave the lesson. I was quite chagrined that I had never shared that assignment with my companion. We promised that he would give the lesson on our next visit. I reminded him of the assignment when we made our appointment for the next month. Arriving at Sister Wilson's home we chatted for a moment and then I turned the time to Kaleo for the lesson. He fumbled in his shirt pocket for a slip of paper. Opening it, he explained that he didn't know what to teach and that his mother had found this poem for him to read. There was nothing particularly special about the poem to me and Kaleo was a bit awkward in reading it. When he finished though, he looked at Sister Wilson with tears shining in his dark eyes and said. "I love my Mother."
That was it. We had a prayer and left. The following Sunday as I walked into the Chapel I found Sister Wilson there sitting on the back row. I sat beside her and welcomed her to church. I couldn't help but ask why she'd changed her mind after all the invitations I'd proffered. Her answer I'll never forget. She said, "When Kaleo looked into my eyes and told me how much he loved his Mother, a feeling came over me that I cannot describe. I felt that love and more. I felt a beautiful peace I have never felt before. I came to church today hoping to feel that feeling once again." She did and remained faithful; attending church and serving in the temple for another decade; well into her nineties. Sister Wilson had monetarily felt the Comforter in her life and was for ever changed because a young Aaronic Priesthood holder brought the Spirit into her home that day.
Our task as Home Teachers is to bring God into people's lives. Not the concept of God, but God himself, are we doing that? Really?
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
Even More Thoughts on Home Teaching
The new Handbook 2 gives the following directive to Home Teachers:
Lets face it there are plenty of circumstances that are outside the norm. I know a Bishop who has pretty much turned his Priests Quorum around by texting them. The key is communication and, being in the 21st Century as we are, it is time to look to means of communication we had not considered before. If we haven't the resources to visit every home, we certainly do to send a letter to every home. If we can't stop in, we might at least make a serious phone call.
What I am getting at here is that we need to be thinking outside the traditional box if we are to fully perform our duty as Home Teachers. I'd like to see us getting 100% and if that means sending a personalized newsletter in the absence of a warm body, we ought to do at least that.
Addtionally, the new handbook suggests a few stop gap measures:
A few other "out of the box" examples come to mind:
Home teaching is one way Heavenly Father blesses His children. Home teachers “visit the house of each member, exhorting them to pray vocally and in secret and attend to all family duties” (D&C 20:51). They are assigned to families and individuals to “watch over … and be with and strengthen them” (D&C 20:53). They “warn, expound, exhort, and teach, and invite all to come unto Christ” (D&C 20:59).Then the handbook goes on to offer ways in which this might be done:
Where possible, home teachers visit members in their homes at least monthly. Home teachers may also find other meaningful ways to watch over and strengthen the families they are assigned. For example, they may render service to the families or contact family members by mail or telephone.Ideally, a face to face visit is best. And under that ideal situation phone and correspondence would only enhance the existing in home visits. This language, though, seems to open the way for letters, email, texting, phoning, internet chatting, Skype, Facebook etc. as viable means of accomplishing the task of being with and watching over the families we are assigned.
Lets face it there are plenty of circumstances that are outside the norm. I know a Bishop who has pretty much turned his Priests Quorum around by texting them. The key is communication and, being in the 21st Century as we are, it is time to look to means of communication we had not considered before. If we haven't the resources to visit every home, we certainly do to send a letter to every home. If we can't stop in, we might at least make a serious phone call.
What I am getting at here is that we need to be thinking outside the traditional box if we are to fully perform our duty as Home Teachers. I'd like to see us getting 100% and if that means sending a personalized newsletter in the absence of a warm body, we ought to do at least that.
Addtionally, the new handbook suggests a few stop gap measures:
With approval from the bishop, Melchizedek Priesthood leaders and Relief Society leaders may temporarily assign only home teachers or only visiting teachers to certain families. In some cases, leaders may assign home teachers to visit a family one month and assign visiting teachers to visit Relief Society members in that family the next month.This is a great, though temporary, solution. Especially, when coupled with this:
In some locations, visiting every home each month may not be possible for a time because of insufficient numbers of active priesthood holders or other challenges. In these circumstances, leaders give priority to visiting new members, less-active members who are most likely to respond to invitations to return to Church activity, and members with serious needs.And this:
Quorum and group leaders assign the most effective home teachers to members who need them most. When assigning home teachers, leaders give highest priority to new members, less-active members who may be the most receptive, and others who have the greatest need for home teachers, such as single parents, widows, and widowers. It is often helpful to assign a youth leader to a family where a young man or young woman is experiencing special challenges. Home teachers should be assigned to converts before the converts are baptized.I think with the guidelines given and the latitude allowed, we can effectively reach everyone in our Ward despite a deficit in the number of active Home Teachers available. We are just going to have to abandon the old conventions and start adopting the new.
A few other "out of the box" examples come to mind:
- We have a brother who is home bound. At a rather advanced age, his body is giving up on him, but his mind and spirit are still marvelously bright. I would be willing to go to his home to be Home Taught. That would free up my Home Teacher to go somewhere else. I suppose there are other valiant families in our Ward who would be willing to make the same accommodation. Who says he has to come to me to be an effective Home Teacher?
- We have three widows who live in adjacent apartments. Would they be willing to be visited together in one or other of their units freeing up a pair of Home Teachers to go to two other families? They have Family Home Evening together once a week anyway.
- Occasionally, we have husband and wife companionships. What if they were assigned another husband and wife companionship and could thus home and visiting teach one another in one visit. That frees up each couple to take one more family.
- So you have a family that is hard to catch at home. How about taking 20 minutes after church to sit down with them in a classroom on Sunday before you all head home.
- Suppose you are a business man who travels a lot. You might be assigned families with the internet and could visit them on Skype from your hotel room. How fun to be Home Taught from Hong Kong or London or Gusher. I realize this solution might make it hard to go with your companion. Still, with the Bishop's approval, perhaps a companion would not be called for as there are no safety concerns at such a distance.
The possibilities are almost endless.
Our Ward has a pretty long list of those who refuse to receive Home Teachers. I personally love to take on those challenges and have yet to fail to get in on a regular basis. I have had to be a bit less traditional in my approach to these families, but I have never failed to be able to meet with them on a monthly basis. As High Priests Group Leader, I don't expect this of all of my Home Teachers, but I do have some who would get out of their comfort zone and make the attempt.
I have one fellow right now who I plan on asking out to coffee in the morning. Of course I will have hot cocoa or something, but I feel certain that he'd love to get out of the house and chum with a buddy at the coffee shop. He will be more comfortable on neutral ground, so will I. He won't feel judged for his Word of Wisdom problem, because I'm the one who suggested it. We can begin building a relationship of trust. Once that is established my new friend and the Lord can take it from there. I'll be handily in a position to help as needed. Hopefully, when the weather warms we can move from the coffee shop to the fishing hole, but who knows, we might form a group and Bob and John and Larry, who are also less active might join us to be Home Taught on a regular basis. Fred, the first guy is a Teacher in the Aaronic Priesthood. He can be my Home Teaching companion.
When I was a Stake Missionary we began teaching a woman whose husband was a less-active member. Soon they were both coming to Church. In no time he accepted a call to be a Home Teacher. He was devoted to the call. One day after we'd taught a discussion to his wife he mentioned that it was getting close to the end of the month and that his companion was out of town. I volunteered to go with him. We visited one of his families who hadn't been to church in years. He invited the brother to come to Priesthood Meeting telling him what a good time he was having in the Elders Quorum. The brother responded, saying, "I'd feel uncomfortable coming back to church. You see, I chew tobacco." His new Home Teacher replied, "So do I," which left him totally without excuse. He came to church.
How's that for a good example. We don't have to be an example of one who pretends to be perfect. What's wrong with being an example of flawed mortal beings attempting, through the Atonement of Christ, to improve. Then those we hope to help can better see how that is done.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
More Thoughts on Home Teaching
I don't think the Home Teacher's job is to be a catalyst for change. Still, I have been taught quite often in various ways to try to tip the balance in peoples lives in order to get them back to church. While I have seen that method seem to work and while I've seen a number of Home Teachers take credit for such; I strongly suspect that the facts are that something else stimulated the change, the people were sufficiently humble, and the Home Teachers were simply fortunate to be in the right place at the right time.
God uses life as change's catalyst. I've seen it over and over, especially in 12 Step settings. So often has a person turned up a meetings because it was mandated by the court as part of a rehabilitation process. So often that person made all the meetings and said all the right things and then stopped coming as soon as they were no longer under the judge's jurisdiction. We're cool with that. We in recovery understand that if they are not ready yet, God will use life to get them ready. We have learned to be patient and let God's process work. It is easy to tell when it has; when that person who so blithely left our company comes crawling back with a new found humility and a deeper awareness of need. You might ask then, what do we do at the meetings. We simply share our experience, strength and hope with those who come. We don't preach. We don't scold. We don't even give advice. Who are we to tell others how to live their lives. In sharing our own experience with addiction and the process of recovery we are offering hope and testimony which are really the only things they need. They already know they need to make changes. They already know what they're doing wrong. They already feel guilty and full of sorrow. They don't need any of that from us. What they need is the hope and belief and tools they can use to do something about it. And they need to know that someone understands and cares and might help. Also, they need to spend time in places where they can feel and comfortably enjoy the Spirit. They need a place safe from condemnation, recrimination, accusation and manipulation.
I bring this up because most of those we Home Teach who are not active in the Church are dealing with some sort of addiction. They are in a trap they have no idea how to climb out of.
Now, when we go into someone's home are we creating that kind of an environment for them? Are we building? Or are we wrecking? I'm confident that those who reject Home Teachers have had plenty of condemnation, recrimination, accusation and manipulation. It has come from parents, spouses, friends, law enforcement, the pulpit and yes, even Home Teachers. Is it any wonder they want no more of it.
Now, what can we do to correct this? The answer lies in what the Church Missionary program calls BRT, Building Relationships of Trust. These people in our charge are tender, fearful, banged up and wary. It may take a good deal of unconditional love to get them to let down their guard. It will take: long-suffering, gentleness, meekness and love unfeigned. It will take kindness and pure knowledge and a complete lack of hypocrisy and guile. You will notice that I left off persuasion. I wanted to discuss that one a bit further. At first, at least we are not there to persuade them to come to Church. Lets start with the basics. Lets persuade them that we can be trusted. Trusted to love them for who they are, right where they are. In this kind of persuasion actions speak far louder than words. The second we put conditions upon that love, were done.
I'll finish with a story. I lived for in a small town the years I was in 7th and 8th Grades. I had a friend there, we'll call him Jim. Years later when I was nearing 40 my occupation took me back to that town. One of the people I was dealing with bore the same last name as Jim. I inquired after him. It turned out the lady was Jim's wife. We'll call her Sue. Immediately, Sue hastened to explain that Jim was no longer the reprobate he once was. I explained that he was a fine fellow when I knew him. She then proceeded to tell me his story. After they married, Jim became an alcoholic. He couldn't keep a job. He was in an out of jail. He'd lost his drivers license to a string of DUIs. He'd lived a tough life.
I asked, "So he's doing better now?"
"Yes, much better!" was her reply. She went on to tell me about it. We had two wonderful Home Teachers. They came to our home on a regular basis. Jim would never stay in the room when they came by the house. (He obviously had his guard up.) Our Home Teachers were always there for us. They never made Jim feel shunned or disapproved of. When they saw him on the street they would always wave and smile. Occasionally, they would catch him in the yard and just visit. Then one day they came to the house when Sue was out. Jim apparently forgot to peek out the window before answering the door. Seeing who it was Jim told them that Sue wasn't home and that they might want to come back later. They pointed out that they were his Home Teachers too and would love to visit with him. There was a long awkward moment before Jim finally asked them to come in and sit down.
The Home Teachers went in, treated Jim with respect. Deliberately avoided conversation that might make Jim uncomfortable. They never asked if he'd found a job yet, for instance. They never mentioned that he'd recently been in jail. They never condemned him for the pain he'd put his wife through. They never even mentioned the church. What they did do, was express an interest in Jim and those things that were of interest to him. Jim is an excellent wood carver and they got him showing and teaching about his craft. After twenty minutes, they got up, shook his hand, thanked him for sharing his gift with them and excused themselves. When the Home Teachers got to their car, Jim came running out and invited them back in. They returned to the house. Seated back on the couch one of the brethren asked Jim what he wanted. Jim said that he didn't really know. He went on, a bit embarrassed, to say that he'd just felt so good when they were there and that when they left he'd felt lousy again. He didn't want to feel lousy right then, so he ran out and asked them to come back so he could feel that good feeling some more. You can imagine what happened next.
Sue told me with tears in her eyes how thankful she was for good Home Teachers who did nothing more than love her husband just the way he was. They didn't bring Jim to the point where he wanted to change. They were just patient enough to wait, love, serve and be there on the day that time had come.
God uses life as change's catalyst. I've seen it over and over, especially in 12 Step settings. So often has a person turned up a meetings because it was mandated by the court as part of a rehabilitation process. So often that person made all the meetings and said all the right things and then stopped coming as soon as they were no longer under the judge's jurisdiction. We're cool with that. We in recovery understand that if they are not ready yet, God will use life to get them ready. We have learned to be patient and let God's process work. It is easy to tell when it has; when that person who so blithely left our company comes crawling back with a new found humility and a deeper awareness of need. You might ask then, what do we do at the meetings. We simply share our experience, strength and hope with those who come. We don't preach. We don't scold. We don't even give advice. Who are we to tell others how to live their lives. In sharing our own experience with addiction and the process of recovery we are offering hope and testimony which are really the only things they need. They already know they need to make changes. They already know what they're doing wrong. They already feel guilty and full of sorrow. They don't need any of that from us. What they need is the hope and belief and tools they can use to do something about it. And they need to know that someone understands and cares and might help. Also, they need to spend time in places where they can feel and comfortably enjoy the Spirit. They need a place safe from condemnation, recrimination, accusation and manipulation.
I bring this up because most of those we Home Teach who are not active in the Church are dealing with some sort of addiction. They are in a trap they have no idea how to climb out of.
Now, when we go into someone's home are we creating that kind of an environment for them? Are we building? Or are we wrecking? I'm confident that those who reject Home Teachers have had plenty of condemnation, recrimination, accusation and manipulation. It has come from parents, spouses, friends, law enforcement, the pulpit and yes, even Home Teachers. Is it any wonder they want no more of it.
Now, what can we do to correct this? The answer lies in what the Church Missionary program calls BRT, Building Relationships of Trust. These people in our charge are tender, fearful, banged up and wary. It may take a good deal of unconditional love to get them to let down their guard. It will take: long-suffering, gentleness, meekness and love unfeigned. It will take kindness and pure knowledge and a complete lack of hypocrisy and guile. You will notice that I left off persuasion. I wanted to discuss that one a bit further. At first, at least we are not there to persuade them to come to Church. Lets start with the basics. Lets persuade them that we can be trusted. Trusted to love them for who they are, right where they are. In this kind of persuasion actions speak far louder than words. The second we put conditions upon that love, were done.
I'll finish with a story. I lived for in a small town the years I was in 7th and 8th Grades. I had a friend there, we'll call him Jim. Years later when I was nearing 40 my occupation took me back to that town. One of the people I was dealing with bore the same last name as Jim. I inquired after him. It turned out the lady was Jim's wife. We'll call her Sue. Immediately, Sue hastened to explain that Jim was no longer the reprobate he once was. I explained that he was a fine fellow when I knew him. She then proceeded to tell me his story. After they married, Jim became an alcoholic. He couldn't keep a job. He was in an out of jail. He'd lost his drivers license to a string of DUIs. He'd lived a tough life.
I asked, "So he's doing better now?"
"Yes, much better!" was her reply. She went on to tell me about it. We had two wonderful Home Teachers. They came to our home on a regular basis. Jim would never stay in the room when they came by the house. (He obviously had his guard up.) Our Home Teachers were always there for us. They never made Jim feel shunned or disapproved of. When they saw him on the street they would always wave and smile. Occasionally, they would catch him in the yard and just visit. Then one day they came to the house when Sue was out. Jim apparently forgot to peek out the window before answering the door. Seeing who it was Jim told them that Sue wasn't home and that they might want to come back later. They pointed out that they were his Home Teachers too and would love to visit with him. There was a long awkward moment before Jim finally asked them to come in and sit down.
The Home Teachers went in, treated Jim with respect. Deliberately avoided conversation that might make Jim uncomfortable. They never asked if he'd found a job yet, for instance. They never mentioned that he'd recently been in jail. They never condemned him for the pain he'd put his wife through. They never even mentioned the church. What they did do, was express an interest in Jim and those things that were of interest to him. Jim is an excellent wood carver and they got him showing and teaching about his craft. After twenty minutes, they got up, shook his hand, thanked him for sharing his gift with them and excused themselves. When the Home Teachers got to their car, Jim came running out and invited them back in. They returned to the house. Seated back on the couch one of the brethren asked Jim what he wanted. Jim said that he didn't really know. He went on, a bit embarrassed, to say that he'd just felt so good when they were there and that when they left he'd felt lousy again. He didn't want to feel lousy right then, so he ran out and asked them to come back so he could feel that good feeling some more. You can imagine what happened next.
Sue told me with tears in her eyes how thankful she was for good Home Teachers who did nothing more than love her husband just the way he was. They didn't bring Jim to the point where he wanted to change. They were just patient enough to wait, love, serve and be there on the day that time had come.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Home Teaching
As I have just become High Priests Group Leader I am quite involved in encouraging good and frequent Home Teaching. A good deal of that is happening in our Ward, but there are a number of families and individuals who are not being regularly contacted by Home Teachers. Over the next few days I'm going to be examining Home Teaching in an attempt to understand better what our charge is and to examine ways in which we can each serve better in our Home Teaching assignments.
I once attended what I teasingly called The Stepford Ward in Orem. They claimed that there was only one non-member family within their boundaries. I think every single member family was active. They had so many missionary farewells and baby blessings that they averaged 110% attendance at Sacrament Meeting. Every calling was filled and their Home Teaching numbers were through the roof! This is not because of some miraculous Enoch-like leader. It was just a matter of neighborhood choice of a number of affluent, previously active families, in an area already concentrated with Latter-day Saints. I'm sure the Ward has it's own unique set of problems, but activity isn't one of them.
I, on the other hand, live in an inner city Ward with a number of low rent apartments, and a district of older more run down "starter" homes. We have a large membership turn over, few youth and great difficulty maintaining the kind of consistency the other Ward might enjoy. Our dear Elder's Quorum has activated a number of Prospective Elders who subsequently moved to a more prosperous part of town, making room for more less active Prospective Elders to take their places. The number of potential Home Teachers far out weighs the number of active Home Teachers. This creates a big burden on those who are willing and able to Home Teach. The district with a bit nicer homes is mostly occupied by old folks. Our Primary has 16 kids in it. Currently there are three years between the newest Deacon and the next boy to enter that Quorum.
I am not complaining. Ours is a most wonderful Ward. I have loved living here more than any Ward I have enjoyed, with one distant, long ago exception. I will probably mention the Imperial Beach Ward later.
Suffice it to say. I am more than content with our Ward. It is far from perfect. But it is abundantly meeting my needs and is filled with wonderful people.
Still, we have some pretty pathetic Home Teaching numbers and will be working hard to overcome those deficiencies over the next months and perhaps years. I am not the only one who is earnest about such a difference taking place.
As I have sat in council regarding Home Teaching, I get a sense that most of my brethren have a pretty restricted view of what Home Teaching is and is not. Recently, the Stake Presidency, in an attempt to expand our view of Home Teaching, made some allowances as to what is reportable as completed Home Teaching. One brother in the Ward protested saying that the new definition did not correspond with Section 20 of The Doctrine and Covenants. He was concerned that if we lower our standards just so we can show better numbers we are cheating. I agree that numbers must never be the objective and that if we dumb down the quality of our Home Teaching just so the numbers look better, we are doing ourselves and those we serve a great disservice. As a matter of fact, such a move, under those conditions, I would consider sinful.
If, on the other hand, we are seriously attempting to broaden the definition of Home Teaching so that we can actually reach more people and more completely fulfill our stewardship, I am all for it. The brother who protested the change had two major concerns. One very valid one is that if we overload our Home Teachers, they are likely to shut down and wind up accomplishing less, instead of more. The other of course was stated thus: "If you lower the standard of Home Teaching to a chat over the back fence, Home Teaching in general will decline. A chat over the back fence is not Home Teaching!"
I understand where he was coming from and I admire his desire to hold to a lofty standard. Still I have to ask myself, "What is Home Teaching?" Is it confined to a living room visit complete with a prayer, lesson and conversation about the weather? Or, can it be more than that?
For me the answer lies in the Book of Alma. When Ammon began his missionary service to King Lamoni he did some quite unmissionary-like things. If he were to report to his Mission President that he'd spent the past week herding sheep, how would his leader have responded. What do you think? Was he doing missionary work, or wasn't he? I say he most certainly was. That honest, well intentioned, unconditional service was indeed missionary service and resulted in the conversion of thousands.
What if we, like Ammon did a few unusual things in our service as Home Teachers. Couldn't we call that Home Teaching as well? My next door neighbor is a member of the church. His wife is a former member. They attend another denomination. When they first moved in they approached us with a very cold and prickly warning that they wanted nothing to do with the Church, Missionaries or Home Teachers. I respect that. I am somewhat aware of their history. They have been, in my opinion, mistreated by members of the church. They have had manipulative Home Teachers who tried to put them on a guilt trip for they way they were living their lives. Their experience was repulsive to them and disappointing to me. I have no choice but to respect their rejection of what I have to offer them. But - they don't reject my warning that the sewer main is backing up. They don't complain when I sneak over of an early morning and shovel their walks. They don't mind if my grandkids invite their grand daughter over to play in my back yard and they frequently ask about the neighbor who has Alzheimer's that I help with, who lives across the street.
We don't get to know how long Ammon herded sheep before he was given the opportunity to defend the flocks and impress the King. It might have been just a few days, but what if it was months or years. Could it be that it was not a matter of time? Could it be that Ammon had no ulterior motive? That he would, as he said, be willing to serve the King the remainder of his days. Could it be that he was serving Lamoni just as an expression of love, with no strings attached. Could it be that he would have continued to serve regardless of the out come? Could it be that he had no further agenda than to be of service? I think it could.
I am aware that most of us tackle such a project and have been trained to begin with the end in mind. We suppose that if we are nice and give service for a while that we will eventually bear the fruit in some preconceived way. And, if we don't, we tend to become discouraged and soon move on to greener or more golden pastures. I believe that Ammon had no such agenda. He let God be in charge of the agenda. His call was to be of service forever if need be. I believe that if we go into a situation with an agenda like the eventual activation of a less active family then all of our actions seem manipulative and are much more likely to be rejected. If on the other hand our service is rendered with no agenda other than kindness and love and a sincere interest in the happiness and well being of the individuals we serve, that too is easy for them to perceive.
Let God have the agenda. He is interested in preparing ALL of his children to return home to dwell with him. He will add the turning factor, just as He did for Ammon. He will cause something tailor made to happen in their lives, perhaps a crisis of some sort or other. If they have a genuine friend in their Home Teacher, I promise it is he to whom they will turn for relief, comfort and solace. It is then that he will be able to share the gospel and it's blessings with them. My experience has been that it may take a number of such instances before significant change begins to take place. Two of the keys to exercising the Priesthood as outlined in Section 121 of The Doctrine and Covenants is patience and long suffering. Are we in it for the long haul?
I have a very dear friend who once was excommunicated from the Church. Sitting in the court that withdrew his membership was a young, newly called High Councilman. The situation touched the young man's heart and he resolved that day to make weekly contact with my friend for the balance of his life. I imagine deep in his heart he hoped my friend would one day return to the fold, but his commitment went way beyond that. That young High Council member kept his commitment. My friend had a saddle shop across town. Every week the young man stepped into that shop. Week after week he was spurned and berated by my friend. Every overture was rejected. Eventually, my friend moved out of state. The young man persisted. Each week he called my friend and greeted him with a smile and proffered friendship. There was never any needling or pressure to return to the fold, only friendship and love. Once a month he actually drove out of state for a face to face visit. Still my friend pushed him away. He often swore at him, berated him, called him names and still the young man carried on. Years went by under these circumstances. Love always offered, always rejected. At fourteen years my friend began to soften. He finally realized this fellow was never going to give up. He finally accepted that there were no conditions places upon his persistence, reliability and love. My friend finally accepted that there was something, someone in his life he could count on. He began to look forward to those visits, to respond to them. When a crisis came, as they always do, my friend knew who he could count on and turned to the not quite so young man and sought his help, his advice, and his assurance. At fifteen years the long since former High Councilman baptized my friend. And they remain close to this day.
Could we Home Teach like that? Should we? I think we can and we must.
When the Church sends humanitarian supplies to Pakistan are there strings attached? Do we say, "If you are to receive this food, medicine and supplies, you must let our missionaries preach in your land?" No we do not. We, when we serve, will do well to follow that example. Let us be going about doing good, because we love, because we should. Not because we hope we can make some changes which seem to them to be only to our own advantage. Let us accept the fact that we can change no one but ourselves. That all we can really do is prepare the soil so that when they come to the moment of change, they will find a place where they can grow and be nurtured, because that place has already been prepared for them.
For me, the days of quotas and numerical objectives are gone. If we labor in the vineyard with love with the interest of our charges our only desire. If we love unconditionally, persistently. I promise God will give the increase. He is the only one who can.
I once attended what I teasingly called The Stepford Ward in Orem. They claimed that there was only one non-member family within their boundaries. I think every single member family was active. They had so many missionary farewells and baby blessings that they averaged 110% attendance at Sacrament Meeting. Every calling was filled and their Home Teaching numbers were through the roof! This is not because of some miraculous Enoch-like leader. It was just a matter of neighborhood choice of a number of affluent, previously active families, in an area already concentrated with Latter-day Saints. I'm sure the Ward has it's own unique set of problems, but activity isn't one of them.
I, on the other hand, live in an inner city Ward with a number of low rent apartments, and a district of older more run down "starter" homes. We have a large membership turn over, few youth and great difficulty maintaining the kind of consistency the other Ward might enjoy. Our dear Elder's Quorum has activated a number of Prospective Elders who subsequently moved to a more prosperous part of town, making room for more less active Prospective Elders to take their places. The number of potential Home Teachers far out weighs the number of active Home Teachers. This creates a big burden on those who are willing and able to Home Teach. The district with a bit nicer homes is mostly occupied by old folks. Our Primary has 16 kids in it. Currently there are three years between the newest Deacon and the next boy to enter that Quorum.
I am not complaining. Ours is a most wonderful Ward. I have loved living here more than any Ward I have enjoyed, with one distant, long ago exception. I will probably mention the Imperial Beach Ward later.
Suffice it to say. I am more than content with our Ward. It is far from perfect. But it is abundantly meeting my needs and is filled with wonderful people.
Still, we have some pretty pathetic Home Teaching numbers and will be working hard to overcome those deficiencies over the next months and perhaps years. I am not the only one who is earnest about such a difference taking place.
As I have sat in council regarding Home Teaching, I get a sense that most of my brethren have a pretty restricted view of what Home Teaching is and is not. Recently, the Stake Presidency, in an attempt to expand our view of Home Teaching, made some allowances as to what is reportable as completed Home Teaching. One brother in the Ward protested saying that the new definition did not correspond with Section 20 of The Doctrine and Covenants. He was concerned that if we lower our standards just so we can show better numbers we are cheating. I agree that numbers must never be the objective and that if we dumb down the quality of our Home Teaching just so the numbers look better, we are doing ourselves and those we serve a great disservice. As a matter of fact, such a move, under those conditions, I would consider sinful.
If, on the other hand, we are seriously attempting to broaden the definition of Home Teaching so that we can actually reach more people and more completely fulfill our stewardship, I am all for it. The brother who protested the change had two major concerns. One very valid one is that if we overload our Home Teachers, they are likely to shut down and wind up accomplishing less, instead of more. The other of course was stated thus: "If you lower the standard of Home Teaching to a chat over the back fence, Home Teaching in general will decline. A chat over the back fence is not Home Teaching!"
I understand where he was coming from and I admire his desire to hold to a lofty standard. Still I have to ask myself, "What is Home Teaching?" Is it confined to a living room visit complete with a prayer, lesson and conversation about the weather? Or, can it be more than that?
For me the answer lies in the Book of Alma. When Ammon began his missionary service to King Lamoni he did some quite unmissionary-like things. If he were to report to his Mission President that he'd spent the past week herding sheep, how would his leader have responded. What do you think? Was he doing missionary work, or wasn't he? I say he most certainly was. That honest, well intentioned, unconditional service was indeed missionary service and resulted in the conversion of thousands.
What if we, like Ammon did a few unusual things in our service as Home Teachers. Couldn't we call that Home Teaching as well? My next door neighbor is a member of the church. His wife is a former member. They attend another denomination. When they first moved in they approached us with a very cold and prickly warning that they wanted nothing to do with the Church, Missionaries or Home Teachers. I respect that. I am somewhat aware of their history. They have been, in my opinion, mistreated by members of the church. They have had manipulative Home Teachers who tried to put them on a guilt trip for they way they were living their lives. Their experience was repulsive to them and disappointing to me. I have no choice but to respect their rejection of what I have to offer them. But - they don't reject my warning that the sewer main is backing up. They don't complain when I sneak over of an early morning and shovel their walks. They don't mind if my grandkids invite their grand daughter over to play in my back yard and they frequently ask about the neighbor who has Alzheimer's that I help with, who lives across the street.
We don't get to know how long Ammon herded sheep before he was given the opportunity to defend the flocks and impress the King. It might have been just a few days, but what if it was months or years. Could it be that it was not a matter of time? Could it be that Ammon had no ulterior motive? That he would, as he said, be willing to serve the King the remainder of his days. Could it be that he was serving Lamoni just as an expression of love, with no strings attached. Could it be that he would have continued to serve regardless of the out come? Could it be that he had no further agenda than to be of service? I think it could.
I am aware that most of us tackle such a project and have been trained to begin with the end in mind. We suppose that if we are nice and give service for a while that we will eventually bear the fruit in some preconceived way. And, if we don't, we tend to become discouraged and soon move on to greener or more golden pastures. I believe that Ammon had no such agenda. He let God be in charge of the agenda. His call was to be of service forever if need be. I believe that if we go into a situation with an agenda like the eventual activation of a less active family then all of our actions seem manipulative and are much more likely to be rejected. If on the other hand our service is rendered with no agenda other than kindness and love and a sincere interest in the happiness and well being of the individuals we serve, that too is easy for them to perceive.
Let God have the agenda. He is interested in preparing ALL of his children to return home to dwell with him. He will add the turning factor, just as He did for Ammon. He will cause something tailor made to happen in their lives, perhaps a crisis of some sort or other. If they have a genuine friend in their Home Teacher, I promise it is he to whom they will turn for relief, comfort and solace. It is then that he will be able to share the gospel and it's blessings with them. My experience has been that it may take a number of such instances before significant change begins to take place. Two of the keys to exercising the Priesthood as outlined in Section 121 of The Doctrine and Covenants is patience and long suffering. Are we in it for the long haul?
I have a very dear friend who once was excommunicated from the Church. Sitting in the court that withdrew his membership was a young, newly called High Councilman. The situation touched the young man's heart and he resolved that day to make weekly contact with my friend for the balance of his life. I imagine deep in his heart he hoped my friend would one day return to the fold, but his commitment went way beyond that. That young High Council member kept his commitment. My friend had a saddle shop across town. Every week the young man stepped into that shop. Week after week he was spurned and berated by my friend. Every overture was rejected. Eventually, my friend moved out of state. The young man persisted. Each week he called my friend and greeted him with a smile and proffered friendship. There was never any needling or pressure to return to the fold, only friendship and love. Once a month he actually drove out of state for a face to face visit. Still my friend pushed him away. He often swore at him, berated him, called him names and still the young man carried on. Years went by under these circumstances. Love always offered, always rejected. At fourteen years my friend began to soften. He finally realized this fellow was never going to give up. He finally accepted that there were no conditions places upon his persistence, reliability and love. My friend finally accepted that there was something, someone in his life he could count on. He began to look forward to those visits, to respond to them. When a crisis came, as they always do, my friend knew who he could count on and turned to the not quite so young man and sought his help, his advice, and his assurance. At fifteen years the long since former High Councilman baptized my friend. And they remain close to this day.
Could we Home Teach like that? Should we? I think we can and we must.
When the Church sends humanitarian supplies to Pakistan are there strings attached? Do we say, "If you are to receive this food, medicine and supplies, you must let our missionaries preach in your land?" No we do not. We, when we serve, will do well to follow that example. Let us be going about doing good, because we love, because we should. Not because we hope we can make some changes which seem to them to be only to our own advantage. Let us accept the fact that we can change no one but ourselves. That all we can really do is prepare the soil so that when they come to the moment of change, they will find a place where they can grow and be nurtured, because that place has already been prepared for them.
For me, the days of quotas and numerical objectives are gone. If we labor in the vineyard with love with the interest of our charges our only desire. If we love unconditionally, persistently. I promise God will give the increase. He is the only one who can.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Setting the Tone
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| I love this photo from the Glendora First Ward because it depticts a group of High Priests in the act of serving. |
I wanted to set the tone for the time I shall be serving them as their Group Leader. I have very little experience in a Melchizedek Priesthood Quorum, having spent most of my adult life serving with the youth in Aaronic Priesthood. I prayed at great length concerning what I should teach on that initial occasion. I decided to discuss Section 121 of the Doctrine and Covenants beginning with verse 33:
33How long can rolling waters remain impure? What power shall stay the heavens? As well might man stretch forth his puny arm to stop the Missouri river in its decreed course, or to turn it up stream, as to hinder the Almighty from pouring down knowledge from heaven upon the heads of the Latter-day Saints.I tried to help them understand that God would pour down knowledge upon their heads regarding their Stewardships. They kept leading the conversation elsewhere. I wonder if they are uncomfortable with the notion of personal revelation. I wanted them to understand that God would willingly direct them in their Home Teaching and other service opportunities. I hope the notion eventually sank in because I don't want to spend my time as High Priests Group Leader telling them what to do. These are fine men fully capable of getting their own direction from Heaven. Verse 33 is dear to me because God has poured down knowledge in abundance upon my head. Were it not so, I could not be sober today. I want to create a culture in my Quorum in which we stand shoulder to shoulder in the service of the Lord. One in which they are not always looking to their leaders for direction.
34Behold, there are many called, but few are chosen. And why are they not chosen?
35Because their hearts are set so much upon the things of this world, and aspire to the honors of men, that they do not learn this one lesson—
36That the rights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven, and that the powers of heaven cannot be controlled nor handled only upon the principles of righteousness.Key to our success as a Quorum is the way in which we go about performing our labors. I think the reason most people reject having Home Teachers in their homes is a distinct resistance to manipulation. We have set out to satisfy goals, fulfill assignments and carry out the work of the Lord and we have commonly looked upon our charges as obstacles rather than opportunities. We have marched into their homes and called them to repentance and left them with the impression that we think them of lower stature than ourselves. To the extent that we have done this we have not handled the Priesthood on principles of righteousness, but have more closely followed the manipulative path of Satan.
37That they may be conferred upon us, it is true; but when we undertake to cover our sins, or to gratify our pride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man.Now it was time for me to make a confession to my brethren. They are already aware that I am a recovering addict. I explained that the last time I had a Melchizedek Priesthood assignment (I was Stake Mission President) I came away with a bitter taste in my mouth. I had set out to be the best Stake Mission President in the Church. My numbers were exceptional and I received a good deal of praise for my accomplishments. I also alienated many of the Stake Missionaries as well as the Stake President in the process. I perceived them all to be obstacles in the accomplishment of my objectives. From the much more humble perspective of an addict who realizes his utter dependence upon God for everything; I see that I was completely wrong. During those years in the Stake Mission I had: undertaken to cover my sins, I had sought to gratify my pride and vain ambitions, I had sought to exercise control and dominion by compulsion upon the souls of the missionaries in my charge as well as the people we taught and also the Stake President I was supposed to be serving. I told my brethren that I didn't ever want to go to that dark place again and that I hoped they would correct me, if I were to revert to my former and wicked ways.
I then personally read these verses:
38Behold, ere he is aware, he is left unto himself, to kick against the pricks, to persecute the saints, and to fight against God.
39We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion.
40Hence many are called, but few are chosen
I had been left to kick against the pricks and to persecute the saints. I told anyone who would listen about the offences people had committed to hinder my progress. I had fought against God and been left to my own sinful devices. I felt the Spirit in the room as by Quorum mates considered what I was trying to tell them.
It was such a blessing to go from there to explain what I hoped for us in our future as we serve side by side.
41No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;
42By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—
43Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;
44That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.
I promised the High Priests that I would lead in such a manner and plead with them to fulfill their callings with those principles and characteristics foremost in their hearts and minds. We need to enter the homes of those we serve with no other object than to bless, lift, serve and inspire. These are the characteristics Ammon Mosiahsson exhibited when he went to serve King Lamoni with the distinct exception of "without guile." So, he wasn't perfect, neither are we. But we can better approach such a standard if we will emulate such great prophets in our effort to do our duty.
We High Priests can do this. We can serve in love, rather than compulsion and we can accomplish the will of the Lord if we invite Him to join us in our service. He will give us strength for the task. He will speak peace to our souls. He will give us the words we must speak. And if we:
45Let (our) bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish (our) thoughts unceasingly; then shall (our) confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon (our) soul(s) as the dews from heaven.
46The Holy Ghost shall be (our) constant companion, and (our) scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; and (our) dominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto(us) forever and ever.The key to all of this can be found in the word LET. Read it again in verse 35. Brother Wilcox once related a story of finding himself looking in the opposing mirrors in a sealing room in the temple. He was standing. He found him self bobbing back and forth in order to get a better view, when he sudden realized that he could see Eternity a lot better if he could just get out of his own way. That is how we let these things happen for us; by getting out our own way. By refraining from thinking of ourselves and our own convenience and glory and by spending our efforts thinking about the needs and fears, and hopes, and dreams, and desires of those we are called to serve.
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