"They Don't Want Home Teachers?" Nonsense!

Whenever some one says a family doesn't want Home Teachers I have to wonder what kind of Home Teachers they've had?  Who wouldn't want Home Teachers?  Unless they've had lousy ones.  So what do we do then?  Excuse ourselves because we failed a family and they don't want us to fail them any more?

Years ago I was sitting in for a regular member of the Ward Council when it was mentioned that so-and-so and so-and-so refuse Home Teachers.  I was appalled!  This was the first time I'd heard of such a thing.  I asked if those two families might be assigned to me?  There was some reluctance.  I never knew whether they feared for my well being as I was willing to enter a hostile environment; or, if they were reluctant to give up the excuse not to visit those folks.  After some persuasion I prevailed and was assigned Sue and Jan, both of whom had non-member husbands.  I was handed their information with a caution, "Whatever you do, don't tell them you're their Home Teacher!"

"You want me to lie them?" was my response.

"Well no....."

"Then, I'll take it from here.  Thanks!"

I knew Sue, she'd been baptized a Catholic so she could be wed to her husband at the Vatican in Rome.  Still, her membership was on our records as well.  That afternoon my wife and I went over to see Sue and Roger.  They were probably the most wealthy folks in our Ward.  Sweetie and Sue had known one another for a long time and we were welcomed in with open arms.  We sat down and had a bit of a conversation at which point I announced that I was their new Home Teacher.

"We don't do Home Teachers!" was Sue's abrupt reply.

"You do now."  I said.

"No we don't."  She countered.

"Are you kicking us out?" I asked.

"Well, no..."

I thanked her for not kicking us out and explained that the role of Home Teacher was to watch over and care for those in his charge.  Then I asked, "Don't you want to be watched over and cared for?"

"I don't mind someone keeping an eye on the house when we're out of town."  she stated.

"I'm your man!"

"I don't want the gospel crammed down my throat!"

"I'm still your man."

We hammered out a few more details and were off and running.  Over the course of the next years I did watch her house when she was out of town and weeded her flower beds and kept up her lawns and made regular visits.  Sue and Roger took us out to dinner once and every month Sue baked us a pie.

Roger came down with bone cancer.  He suffered with a great deal of pain.  At Christmas time I stopped by with some goodies and found him watching a video tape of the Tabernacle Choir singing Holiday songs.  Tears were streaming down Roger's cheeks.  I made some remark about out touching their music was and Roger explained, that though that was true, it wasn't the reason he was feeling such emotion.  He went on to explain that he'd grown up on South Temple and had lived next door to the Richard's.  If the Thomas kids and the Richards kids weren't climbing around in the belfry of  St Madeleine's they were crawling through the rafters of the Tabernacle.

"I love the Latter-day Saints they were such a big part of my youth and now you've given that gift back to me."

I never baptized Roger, nor did Sue ever return to activity in the Church, but I was their Home Teacher.

Now on to Jan, the other member who didn't want Home Teachers.

Jan was a bit tougher nut to crack.  Members of the Church had so embittered her that she wouldn't even speak to us.  Now I'm not saying there was no fault on her part, but I am saying that we are sometimes less than kind to those who don't conform to our standards.  Her husband Ron, however, was very welcoming.  If Jan came to the door, we stood on the porch.  If Ron did, we were invited in for an enjoyable conversation, but Jan never came into the room.  I suspected a few times that she was eaves dropping around the corner.  Then Jan came down with lung cancer.  We never saw Jan again.  Ron still welcomed us and we always asked about Jan.  Her prognosis wasn't good.  Sweetie'd heard that fresh vegetables, especially cabbage, broccoli and cauliflower were good for cancer patients.  Every Saturday, she made a big salad with heavy emphasis on those three ingredients.  Using a whole head of each, plus the lettuce, onions, carrots and such, made for a big salad.  Enough for us and for Jan and Ron.  Each Saturday for months we took them a salad.  Ron always thanked us warmly and told us how much Jan loved that weekly treat, that lasted for several days.

We never did have a conversation with Jan.  Rarely saw her.  Just before she died though, she phoned and asked if I would speak at her funeral.  She didn't have much else to say.  There wasn't much to say.  In her own way she had acknowledged and expressed appreciation for Home Teachers.

I don't suppose Lamoni was too keen on having Ammon come around either, but he accepted Ammon's service and devotion.  Ammon wasn't in it for Ammon.  He was in it for Lamoni and he was clearly in it for the long haul, at considerable sacrifice to his own convenience.  He never pushed anything upon Lamoni.  He just cared for him, until Lamoni sought for more.  What a classic example.

I would have been so easy for the Sons of Mosiah to say, "Well, the Lamanites don't accept missionaries."  And left it at that.  Are we willing to make such a puny excuse?

Improving Home Teaching From Another Perspective

My good friend Carl, tells a story of a new Home Teaching assignment.  He and his companion, his son, were given a sweet widow to visit.  They made their first appointment and went to see her on the last day of the month.  She sweetly invited them in and listened attentively to the lesson.  When it was time for them to go she excused herself for a moment and returned to present them with a cake.  A cracked, dried out, slightly dusty old cake.  Carl asked, "What's this?"

"This is your Home Teaching cake.  I bake one for my Home Teachers every month.  I'm sorry its in such bad shape, I baked it on the first day of the month."

They never procrastinated getting to that house again.

Do you think her encouragement was out of line?  I presently Home Teach a Sister who pretty much instructed me when I was to come and that is when I go.

What do we do to encourage our Home Teachers?  Do we make ourselves available?  Do we make them feel welcome?  Do we ask them when they are coming?  Do we call on them to help us when we need it?  I think we should.

From the days when as a Teacher, I heard my companions ask those we visited, "Is there anything we can do for you?"  Never in nearly forty years did anyone ever express a need that their Home Teachers could fulfill.  There was the occasional call for a blessing once I'd received the Melchizedek Priesthood, but never anything else.  That is, until I was called to Home Teach Jude.  He was a tough old farmer as well as a prosperous businessman.  He never came to Church.  He always welcomed us in.  I don't think he liked our first lesson, but he listened to it.  When, at the end of the visit, I asked if there was anything we could do for he and his wife.  I'd been condition to expect some answer like, "Naw, we're doing just fine."  Instead Jude said, "Yessirree, there sure is!"

Timidly I asked, "What would that be."

"I'd like you to read that book about The Mountain Meadows Massacre and report on it to me next month."  He went to his bookshelf, took it down and handed it to me.

I didn't know what to say, so I took it.  I took it home and read it.  I more than read it, I studied it.  I wanted to give a report that would look favorable to the church while acknowledging the reality of that horrific event.  Apparently, my report was satisfactory.  Certainly, our conversation at that next visit was interesting.

I can't believe I succumbed to habit and asked again if there was anything we could do.  There was.  This time it was to read No Man Knows My History by Fawn Brodie.  I read that too, as well as No Mame That's Not History by Hugh Nibley.  The discussion the next month was quite lively, but Jude seemed content when we were finished.  Perhaps I had been exonerated for actually reading Anti-Mormon literature.

One time I'd read the Autobiography of Elmer Bair.  Elmer was Patriarch of the Meeker Stake in Colorado.  I knew Elmer, as he lived in my daughter's Ward in Glenwood Springs. I told some of the story to Jude and Marilyn.  Jude not only read the book, but got so excited they drove over to meet him themselves.  Elmer, a sheep man, was 99 years old at the time.  Jude started coming to Church after that.

Another time Jude had read a collection of old pioneer stories about our town.  One of the stories was about a man who'd been buried alive and died in the casket.  My assignment that month was to locate his grave so Jude and I could go there and pay our respects on Memorial Day.  As Jude put it, "That man deserves a handful of posies!"

If we want to improve Home Teaching, lets make use of our Home Teachers.  Let's make it plain that we need them.  Let's make their effort worthwhile.  President Spencer W. Kimball once said of our youth, that they don't often walk away and leave their duty undone if they are given something significant to do.  Neither do Home Teachers.  Of course it would be nice if they just saw what needed to be done and did it.  Or if they received such notions by revelation.  Sometimes they actually do. But, these are men after all, and quite often, though more that willing to serve, could use a few hints and maybe even the occasional 2X4.

Home Teaching With the Spirit

Who would dare to presume to go into a home as a representative of the Lord without first seeking the Lord's guidance and blessing through prayer.  Me.  I've done that very thing far too often.  Be it resolved that from hence forth, I will cease and desist that prideful practice.  Dear Brother Pennington taught me this principle when he came over to train me as a Family History records extractor.  He was appalled that I just set to work on my extraction without ever pausing to seek the grace of God to influence my errand.  Thank you Ned for your kind counsel.  Each set of Home Teachers ought to seek the Lord in order to best meet the needs of each family they are assigned.   How much better and easier our work will be under the direction of God.

We've all heard horror stories of tactless and hurtful things spoken to people newly returning to activity.  Or of offensive things spoken by Home Teachers to families they visit.  Is it any wonder that many people would just plain prefer not to have anyone visit them any more.  The only sure way to ensure that the things we say and do in our Home Teaching assignments are beneficial, not detrimental, is to speak the words of Christ as directed by the Holy Ghost.

For this reason, it is inappropriate to script in advance, the things one might say.  We as leaders need to shy away from giving examples of other's success stories without making it plain that what was said successfully in situation A, might not fly in situation B.  How grateful I am that the Holy Ghost will guide the words I speak so that I have no fear of stepping beyond my bounds.  Only God knows what is best spoken in each particular case.

I believe that one of the key reasons members of the Church have been notorious for resisting the repeated invitations to go out and be member missionaries; is because they've been told what to say and do and when they get out there, the Spirit counsels otherwise.  How often were we told in my own youth to GQ everybody.  GQ meaning to ask the Golden Question, "What do you know about the Mormon Church?  Would you like to know more?"  How many times were those questions flatly rejected because the candidate was no where near prepared to answer in a "golden" way.  I'm certain that the reluctance I felt and often over rode in a determination to be obedient was the Spirit whispering, "He's not ready yet.  Take some time, be patient, loving, friendly, exemplary and the day will come when he will ask you."

Now don't get me wrong.  GQing worked.  Hundreds joined the church after being asked that question.  Often it was the perfect question, but more often it was not.  Perhaps influenced by a sales mentality the GQ movement was a numbers game.  Ask enough people and a certain percentage will buy.  If all we're about is getting numbers then what of those, who might respond to a gentler, more patient approach.  We were told on my mission that if we couldn't get them into the water is six weeks, we were to abandon them and move on to greener pastures.  What if the Elders and Sisters who taught Agusto Lim did that.  It took nine months of continual visits to prepare him for baptism.  Since then he's been a General Authority, Mission President, Temple president and much more.  I mention him because he was in our Mission Presidency when I was in the Philippines and he hated that "six weeks" policy.

"Six Weeks" and "GQ" have largely disappeared from our culture, but their effects remain among many of us.  Especially for those who are goal oriented and desire impressive numbers.  It is easy for those to whom numbers are important to abandon the slow ones for the "golden" ones.  What a sin, to declare anyone less than golden.  What a sin to ignore, abandon, reject or neglect those who don't make us look good.  God wants all of His children home, not just some of them.  If we Home Teach by the Spirit, we will know that and our efforts will be congruent with that knowledge.

Sometimes the things we say and do with the Spirit have less to do with words and more to do with feelings.  I once had a wonderful young Aaronic Priesthood companion who taught me this lesson in a very poignant way.  We had visited the home of Sister Wilson for months.  She was in her late eighties and had not been to church since she was a girl.  She was always sweet, hospitable and welcoming.  She didn't resist having lessons, but she specifically rejected my invitations to attend church.  One day she asked why Kaleo never gave the lesson.  I was quite chagrined that I had never shared that assignment with my companion.  We promised that he would give the lesson on our next visit.  I reminded him of the assignment when we made our appointment for the next month.  Arriving at Sister Wilson's home we chatted for a moment and then I turned the time to Kaleo for the lesson.  He fumbled in his shirt pocket for a slip of paper.  Opening it, he explained that he didn't know what to teach and that his mother had found this poem for him to read.  There was nothing particularly special about the poem to me and Kaleo was a bit awkward in reading it.  When he finished though, he looked at Sister Wilson with tears shining in his dark eyes and said.  "I love my Mother."

That was it.  We had a prayer and left.  The following Sunday as I walked into the Chapel I found Sister Wilson there sitting on the back row.  I sat beside her and welcomed her to church.  I couldn't help but ask why she'd changed her mind after all the invitations I'd proffered.  Her answer I'll never forget.  She said, "When Kaleo looked into my eyes and told me how much he loved his Mother, a feeling came over me that I cannot describe.  I felt that love and more.  I felt a beautiful peace I have never felt before.  I came to church today hoping to feel that feeling once again."  She did and remained faithful; attending church and serving in the temple for another decade; well into her nineties.  Sister Wilson had monetarily felt the Comforter in her life and was for ever changed because a young Aaronic Priesthood holder brought the Spirit into her home that day.

Our task as Home Teachers is to bring God into people's lives.  Not the concept of God, but God himself, are we doing that?  Really?

Even More Thoughts on Home Teaching

The new Handbook 2 gives the following directive to Home Teachers:

Home teaching is one way Heavenly Father blesses His children. Home teachers “visit the house of each member, exhorting them to pray vocally and in secret and attend to all family duties” (D&C 20:51). They are assigned to families and individuals to “watch over … and be with and strengthen them” (D&C 20:53). They “warn, expound, exhort, and teach, and invite all to come unto Christ” (D&C 20:59).

Then the handbook goes on to offer ways in which this might be done:

Where possible, home teachers visit members in their homes at least monthly. Home teachers may also find other meaningful ways to watch over and strengthen the families they are assigned. For example, they may render service to the families or contact family members by mail or telephone. 

Ideally, a face to face visit is best.  And under that ideal situation phone and correspondence would only enhance the existing in home visits.  This language, though, seems to open the way for letters, email, texting, phoning, internet chatting, Skype, Facebook etc. as viable means of accomplishing the task of being with and watching over the families we are assigned.

Lets face it there are plenty of circumstances that are outside the norm.  I know a Bishop who has pretty much turned his Priests Quorum around by texting them.  The key is communication and, being in the 21st Century as we are, it is time to look to means of communication we had not considered before.  If we haven't the resources to visit every home, we certainly do to send a letter to every home.  If we can't stop in, we might at least make a serious phone call.

What I am getting at here is that we need to be thinking outside the traditional box if we are to fully perform our duty as Home Teachers.  I'd like to see us getting 100% and if that means sending a personalized newsletter in the absence of a warm body, we ought to do at least that.

Addtionally, the new handbook suggests a few stop gap measures:

With approval from the bishop, Melchizedek Priesthood leaders and Relief Society leaders may temporarily assign only home teachers or only visiting teachers to certain families. In some cases, leaders may assign home teachers to visit a family one month and assign visiting teachers to visit Relief Society members in that family the next month.

This is a great, though temporary, solution.  Especially, when coupled with this:

In some locations, visiting every home each month may not be possible for a time because of insufficient numbers of active priesthood holders or other challenges. In these circumstances, leaders give priority to visiting new members, less-active members who are most likely to respond to invitations to return to Church activity, and members with serious needs.

And this:

Quorum and group leaders assign the most effective home teachers to members who need them most. When assigning home teachers, leaders give highest priority to new members, less-active members who may be the most receptive, and others who have the greatest need for home teachers, such as single parents, widows, and widowers. It is often helpful to assign a youth leader to a family where a young man or young woman is experiencing special challenges. Home teachers should be assigned to converts before the converts are baptized. 

I think with the guidelines given and the latitude allowed, we can effectively reach everyone in our Ward despite a deficit in the number of active Home Teachers available.  We are just going to have to abandon the old conventions and start adopting the new.

A few other "out of the box" examples come to mind:

• We have a brother who is home bound.  At a rather advanced age, his body is giving up on him, but his mind and spirit are still marvelously bright.  I would be willing to go to his home to be Home Taught.  That would free up my Home Teacher to go somewhere else.  I suppose there are other valiant families in our Ward who would be willing to make the same accommodation.  Who says he has to come to me to be an effective Home Teacher?
• We have three widows who live in adjacent apartments.  Would they be willing to be visited together in one or other of their units freeing up a pair of Home Teachers to go to two other families?  They have Family Home Evening together once a week anyway.
• Occasionally, we have husband and wife companionships.  What if they were assigned another husband and wife companionship and could thus home and visiting teach one another in one visit.  That frees up each couple to take one more family.
• So you have a family that is hard to catch at home.  How about taking 20 minutes after church to sit down with them in a classroom on Sunday before you all head home.
• Suppose you are a business man who travels a lot.  You might be assigned families with the internet and could visit them on Skype from your hotel room.  How fun to be Home Taught from Hong Kong or London or Gusher.  I realize this solution might make it hard to go with your companion.  Still, with the Bishop's approval, perhaps a companion would not be called for as there are no safety concerns at such a distance.

The possibilities are almost endless.

Our Ward has a pretty long list of those who refuse to receive Home Teachers.  I personally love to take on those challenges and have yet to fail to get in on a regular basis.  I have had to be a bit less traditional in my approach to these families, but I have never failed to be able to meet with them on a monthly basis.  As High Priests Group Leader, I don't expect this of all of my Home Teachers, but I do have some who would get out of their comfort zone and make the attempt.  

I have one fellow right now who I plan on asking out to coffee in the morning.  Of course I will have hot cocoa or something, but I feel certain that he'd love to get out of the house and chum with a buddy at the coffee shop.  He will be more comfortable on neutral ground, so will I.  He won't feel judged for his Word of Wisdom problem, because I'm the one who suggested it.  We can begin building a relationship of trust.  Once that is established my new friend and the Lord can take it from there.  I'll be handily in a position to help as needed.  Hopefully, when the weather warms we can move from the coffee shop to the fishing hole, but who knows, we might form a group and Bob and John and Larry, who are also less active might join us to be Home Taught on a regular basis.  Fred, the first guy is a Teacher in the Aaronic Priesthood.  He can be my Home Teaching companion.

When I was a Stake Missionary we began teaching a woman whose husband was a less-active member.  Soon they were both coming to Church.  In no time he accepted a call to be a Home Teacher.  He was devoted to the call.  One day after we'd taught a discussion to his wife he mentioned that it was getting close to the end of the month and that his companion was out of town.  I volunteered to go with him.  We visited one of his families who hadn't been to church in years.  He invited the brother to come to Priesthood Meeting telling him what a good time he was having in the Elders Quorum.  The brother responded, saying, "I'd feel uncomfortable coming back to church.  You see, I chew tobacco."  His new Home Teacher replied,  "So do I," which left him totally without excuse.  He came to church.

How's that for a good example.  We don't have to be an example of one who pretends to be perfect.  What's wrong with being an example of flawed mortal beings attempting, through the Atonement of Christ, to improve.  Then those we hope to help can better see how that is done.