Thursday, July 21, 2011
Book Review - Daily Riches - A Journal of Gratitude and Awareness by Bluestein, Lawrence and Sanchez
Friday, July 8, 2011
Self-Inflicted Hair Cut
Since Loran retired I've had to settle for having a far less than satisfactory hair cut inflicted upon me by hair stylists. Stubborn lot, hair stylists. It's their way, or the highway. No shaving around the ears. No smooth clean taper. Every time I've had to come home and shave my own neck. How is it stylish to have long hairs running down my neck and beneath my collar? I've complained about this. I've even been told that it had been done, only, upon inspection, to find it hadn't. I guess women don't get those run-away hairs below the neckline. And, lets face it; hair stylists are trained to cut women's hair, not men's. I've shopped around. The big salons never give you the same stylist twice. The little one's don't seem to listen and seem to be as independent as welders. I often say, "You can always tell a welder, you just can't tell him much." So it is with stylists. I've tried complaining, tipping, long lengthy descriptions of what I'm looking for, heck, I've even threatened a few times, and still I come home with unsatisfactory results.
Now, lest you think me picky, I don't have very lofty standards for a hair cut. I don't expect to magically, be made handsome by a hair cut. Nothing short of a face transplant could accomplish that. I just want a smooth even cut that at least looks as good as my lawn when it's finished. I don't want missed spots and I want it trimmed up around the edges. Is that too much to ask?
After several years of forking out cash for hair cuts that I, or my wife, had to remodel each time I returned home; I decided to take matters into my own hands. If I am going to look like this one way or the other I'd just as soon inflict the pain on myself as pay someone else to do it. I bought a nice set of clippers and went at it.
I'm jealous of Howie Mandel. If I had a nice round, presentable, head like his, I'd just shave it and call it good. Instead, I have a head covered with knots, crevices, ridges and moles. How much is my viewing public expected to take? Then, again, even that is pretty high maintenance, and seems trumped by a periodic hair cut. Speaking of trump, I must admit that I've never once sported a worse hair cut than The Donald. But I digress....
Back to self-inflicted hair cuts...
I am uncoordinated, utterly helpless at making my mind reverse it self while using a mirror as a reference when working on the back, and I surely lack an artistic flair for such things; but, I can make a hair cut last three months, and that is all I ever wanted in the first place.
It has been said that the difference between a good and bad hair cut is just a couple of days. I can buy that. So if I cut my hair on Monday, I have plenty of time to look presentable for church. If not I can always sit on the back row. In my book, the difference between a good and bad hair cut is $20.00. The good one is free! No lines, appointments, angst, repairs, premature returns to the salon, unrealistic expectations, disappointments, frustrations, swear words or Amway sales pitches - just free.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Book Review - The Hundred Secret Senses by Amy Tan
This one is quite mystical and philosophical, perhaps more so than any of Tan's novels, which gave it the appeal I prefer. I want to learn something about myself in a book, even if it's about China. I felt I learned a lot this time. Here's a quote about one great lesson for me:
"Anyway, yin people talk about life already gone, like banquet, many-many flavors, 'Oh,' they say, 'now I remember. This part I enjoy, this I not enjoy enough. This I eat up too fast. Why I don't taste that one? Why I let this piece of my life gone spoiled, complete wasted?'"You'll surely note the pidgin English, in the statement. This is so true of me. I pursue this pleasure, obtain that instrument, acquire that tool or those friends, only to get distracted and neglect some, while consuming others, not necessarily by priority, but based on the expedience of the moment. Who wants to wind up with a pile of regret at the end.
The story moves from San Francisco to a small village outside Guilin, China. Tan is a master of description and I loved my visit to China through her words. The tastes, smells, traffic, shops all come to life in the pages of the book.
Much of the story takes place in the turmoil of the nineteenth century where we learn of Christian missionaries and political waves of oppression and war. The main story is modern. In fact too modern for my taste. A bit crass, drifting in the winds of an unanchored culture of academia, hedonism, and agnostic futility.
The story, philosophy, discovery all could have, should have taught great lessons to the protagonist upon whom it all seems to have no conclusion, no effect. It looks like, Tan wants to be realistic in the end, for after taking her character through opportunity after opportunity to learn and grow; after making the reader aware that the woman can make astute observations about the meaning of her experience; she lets us see, that ultimately she is neither changed nor blessed by the struggle she experiences. It's as if she is saying life, experience, education, discovery offer no real gifts to those who endure them.
I'd characterize the book as magnificently entertaining, and largely pointless.
Three Stars
Thursday, June 30, 2011
The Evil Person Assumption
I've spent a lot of years providing spiritual hope in jails and detention centers. In the process I've become intimately acquainted with a lot of inmates. I suppose I have met a few evil people behind bars, but the vast majority are not evil. All have done evil things. But that is not unique to prisoners. All have done evil things.
Most prisoners are there for doing desperate, foolish, and dangerous things out of fear. Most are coping with horrible circumstances, often beyond their control. Most have poor coping skills. Most are utterly uninformed about the means by which they might live more wholesome, healthy lives. Many, and this will be the focus of this entry, are misinformed about why they behave as they do and what can be done about it.
Most prisoners believe they are evil. This is the first big lie. They've been taught to believe this about themselves by people and institutions, most, if not all of their lives. Usually, it began with parents. Parents who were also misinformed. Parents who impatiently wanted convenient kids who didn't interrupt Mom and Dad's comfort and pleasure. Any violation of which, presented punishment of some sort, and which spawned dishonesty and rebellion. Shame was used on them as a weapon; not to develop their character, but to further their superior's convenience. Schools, churches and other institutions then reinforced what they already believed about themselves.
Most prisoners believe they have no options. They have been taught continually, to believe that their behavior is their problem. They have no idea that beneath that behavior lie causes and conditions that they are inappropriately trying to cope with by their behavior. In most cases these people have been "pierced with deep wounds" that have not been treated. Coping with those wounds consumes them. They turn to addictive behavior most commonly. Something to numb the pain. This leads to inability to remain employed, but demands feeding, leading to crime, homelessness, frustration, violence, and all the things that tend to land them in jail.
Most prisoners are living with despair. Having tried and failed so many times in their lives. They have given up hope of any viable alternative to the desperate, agonizing choices they feel compelled to make and repeat.
Many, many prisoners, find incarceration their best option. Being locked up has it's perks. They no longer have to cope with life. At least the parameters and problems are confined to a smaller set of circumstances, with more defined boundaries, fewer opportunities to make mistakes, less danger of failure, and no need to provide shelter, food and companionship for themselves.
These are not evil people. Confused, unprepared, uninformed, poorly nurtured, frustrated, angry, afraid? Yes. But not evil.
We all have contributed to this to the degree that we have hacked at the branches of their problems instead of at the roots. We have caused this by standing upon our bully pulpits, having condemned them instead of their behavior. We have created this by preaching the law and punishing it's violation, instead of preaching love and seeking to heal wounded hearts.
We have heaped guilt and shame upon them from our pulpits until we have driven them from our churches, when we should have been treating their wounds by binding up their broken hearts. We've turned our religious institutions into good old boy clubs where we praise the "righteous" and condemn the sinners. I assume because we couldn't be bothered and would rather not associate with their ilk anyway. We are subtle masters at this.
In my own church it see it most Sundays. We stand before our congregations and preach about the lofty lives we each ought to be living. We cast judgement upon those who fail to meet our standards. When do we ever consider that sitting within those congregations are suffering souls, who came to healed, not to have salt rubbed in their already agonizing wounds. We are instructed to teach nothing but the Gospel. Which is that Christ has come to Atone for our sins that He might heal our wounded souls.
Last Sunday for instance, we experienced a lengthy discussion on the keeping of covenants. Apparently, it had never occurred to us that those who keep their covenants are those whose lives have been healed by the Master's touch. And, that those who are not keeping their covenants, most of whom would love to, are so distracted by their pain and confusion that they cannot even think of doing so. This while, we continue to fail to teach them, how to allow the Savior to help them with their problems, how to rely upon His grace, how to give their troubles, pains and problems to He who suffered all things that He might succor them. Do you not suppose that they will make and keep sacred covenants, once they've been healed by the Master and are no longer distracted and crippled by their pain? How does heaping upon them obligation and expectation, they cannot conceive of accomplishing, help them recover from the agony they are experiencing?
There is no sin in ignorance and confusion, but there is sin in keeping the simple truth from those who so desperately need it. Institutionally, we do it for the same reason, poor parents do it. For the convenience. We want the problems to go away, so we do the most heinous, evil thing of all, we drive them away, rather than deal with them. We shame them instead of loving them. We treat symptoms instead of causes and conditions. We label and judge and count ourselves righteous for having "better behavior."
My biggest fear is that we have among us, hurting, suffering individuals, who are adept at pretending they have it all together. Who are so accomplished at this that they are elevated to positions of trust and praise. Who could expect these to teach of healing they know nothing of, or to understand hurting souls, who are, unlike them, unable to fake it. I was one such and it agonizes me to think of all the salt in rubbed into tender wounds, while pretending to have none of my own.
If we are to build Zion, if we are to emulate the Savior, if we are to fulfill our callings, we have need to quit measuring people and start lovingly leading them to the Healer. The rest will take care of itself. Lets stop assuming they are evil and start assuming they are hurt. Let us stop applying condemnation and shame and begin applying the Balm of Gilead. Please.
In the church we often preach of accountability. While this is a correct principle in its proper context, too often we use it as triage to eliminate the "hopeless causes" so we can move on with our success. If they never make into the hospital, they don't count against our progress. It is God's intention to save all of His children. Triage is utterly inappropriate in the Plan of Salvation.
Most prisoners are there for doing desperate, foolish, and dangerous things out of fear. Most are coping with horrible circumstances, often beyond their control. Most have poor coping skills. Most are utterly uninformed about the means by which they might live more wholesome, healthy lives. Many, and this will be the focus of this entry, are misinformed about why they behave as they do and what can be done about it.
Most prisoners believe they are evil. This is the first big lie. They've been taught to believe this about themselves by people and institutions, most, if not all of their lives. Usually, it began with parents. Parents who were also misinformed. Parents who impatiently wanted convenient kids who didn't interrupt Mom and Dad's comfort and pleasure. Any violation of which, presented punishment of some sort, and which spawned dishonesty and rebellion. Shame was used on them as a weapon; not to develop their character, but to further their superior's convenience. Schools, churches and other institutions then reinforced what they already believed about themselves.
Most prisoners believe they have no options. They have been taught continually, to believe that their behavior is their problem. They have no idea that beneath that behavior lie causes and conditions that they are inappropriately trying to cope with by their behavior. In most cases these people have been "pierced with deep wounds" that have not been treated. Coping with those wounds consumes them. They turn to addictive behavior most commonly. Something to numb the pain. This leads to inability to remain employed, but demands feeding, leading to crime, homelessness, frustration, violence, and all the things that tend to land them in jail.
Most prisoners are living with despair. Having tried and failed so many times in their lives. They have given up hope of any viable alternative to the desperate, agonizing choices they feel compelled to make and repeat.
Many, many prisoners, find incarceration their best option. Being locked up has it's perks. They no longer have to cope with life. At least the parameters and problems are confined to a smaller set of circumstances, with more defined boundaries, fewer opportunities to make mistakes, less danger of failure, and no need to provide shelter, food and companionship for themselves.
These are not evil people. Confused, unprepared, uninformed, poorly nurtured, frustrated, angry, afraid? Yes. But not evil.
We all have contributed to this to the degree that we have hacked at the branches of their problems instead of at the roots. We have caused this by standing upon our bully pulpits, having condemned them instead of their behavior. We have created this by preaching the law and punishing it's violation, instead of preaching love and seeking to heal wounded hearts.
We have heaped guilt and shame upon them from our pulpits until we have driven them from our churches, when we should have been treating their wounds by binding up their broken hearts. We've turned our religious institutions into good old boy clubs where we praise the "righteous" and condemn the sinners. I assume because we couldn't be bothered and would rather not associate with their ilk anyway. We are subtle masters at this.
In my own church it see it most Sundays. We stand before our congregations and preach about the lofty lives we each ought to be living. We cast judgement upon those who fail to meet our standards. When do we ever consider that sitting within those congregations are suffering souls, who came to healed, not to have salt rubbed in their already agonizing wounds. We are instructed to teach nothing but the Gospel. Which is that Christ has come to Atone for our sins that He might heal our wounded souls.
Last Sunday for instance, we experienced a lengthy discussion on the keeping of covenants. Apparently, it had never occurred to us that those who keep their covenants are those whose lives have been healed by the Master's touch. And, that those who are not keeping their covenants, most of whom would love to, are so distracted by their pain and confusion that they cannot even think of doing so. This while, we continue to fail to teach them, how to allow the Savior to help them with their problems, how to rely upon His grace, how to give their troubles, pains and problems to He who suffered all things that He might succor them. Do you not suppose that they will make and keep sacred covenants, once they've been healed by the Master and are no longer distracted and crippled by their pain? How does heaping upon them obligation and expectation, they cannot conceive of accomplishing, help them recover from the agony they are experiencing?
My biggest fear is that we have among us, hurting, suffering individuals, who are adept at pretending they have it all together. Who are so accomplished at this that they are elevated to positions of trust and praise. Who could expect these to teach of healing they know nothing of, or to understand hurting souls, who are, unlike them, unable to fake it. I was one such and it agonizes me to think of all the salt in rubbed into tender wounds, while pretending to have none of my own.
If we are to build Zion, if we are to emulate the Savior, if we are to fulfill our callings, we have need to quit measuring people and start lovingly leading them to the Healer. The rest will take care of itself. Lets stop assuming they are evil and start assuming they are hurt. Let us stop applying condemnation and shame and begin applying the Balm of Gilead. Please.
In the church we often preach of accountability. While this is a correct principle in its proper context, too often we use it as triage to eliminate the "hopeless causes" so we can move on with our success. If they never make into the hospital, they don't count against our progress. It is God's intention to save all of His children. Triage is utterly inappropriate in the Plan of Salvation.
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