Book Review - Touching Spirit Bear by Ben Mikaelsen

I have been involved in helping youth at the local juvenile detention center for over eight years now.  I have spent a lot of time wondering about the best ways to approach the problems these wonderful youth face.  How can we help them?  How can we assist them to find solutions and healing?  What are the best resources for facilitating this progress?

I also spent several months living in the wilderness with troubled youth.  I despised the model that program used.  While "the mountain" had its healing powers, because it was far away from drugs and influences, completely distant from privileges and possessions; it could have been so much more.  This wilderness program made the mountain merely a tool for isolation.  They could have done that in a warehouse.  In Touching Spirit Bear, the wilderness, in this case the island, was so very much more.  That "more" was what was entirely lacking in the wilderness program and is hardly even sought in our current judicial system.

Ben Mikaelsen's book provided many of the answers I've been seeking.  There is wisdom here and great risk.  I think we will never see this kind of method commonly used because of the risk.  We don't take those kinds of chances with our youth and the consequence is, we don't get this kind of results.  I think life in general was designed by God to be just this risky, but lawyers and hand wringers have taken much of the potential out of life and consequently out of the lives of our youth.

Reality therapy is pretty simple, as one character, Garvey, tell his young friend Cole:

"Go ahead and try it.  Try manipulating a storm or lying to your hunger.  Try cheating the cold."

There is more to the process this book reveals.  It is not only about being exposed to reality.  It is also about being, exposed to love.  This is another ingredient that seems quite lacking in the institutional setting.  The powers that be, in an honest effort to protect, have even sheltered these kids from love.  Human contact is prohibited.  Perhaps that's risky too. This is not to say that the staff at these institutions lacks love for their charges.  Quite to the contrary, most are under paid and under appreciated and stay precisely because they love these kids.  But at the end of the day, if because of societal fears and institutional rules, these kids don't experience individually focused love, don't connect with others who deeply care about them, don't feel healthy, safe human contact, they won't be getting better and we'll continue to see many of them behind bars again and again.

So I hammer on about the details, while Mikaelsen just tells a story.  And what a wonderful, heart rending, uplifting and inspiring story it is.  Some kids will get the message vicariously through the story.  I did.  You see, I'm not appreciably healthier than they are.  It is clear though, that Cole's experience living it will be infinitely deeper than my experience reading about it.  And Cole's recovery will be correspondingly sturdier than mine has been.  As I note this, though, I realize that reality and love can be had right here where I am.  I don't have to isolate myself to an island or a mountain.  Reality and love are everywhere. The difference is that here I have access to the tools I use to avoid them.

*****

Book Review - Odd Apocalypse by Dean Koontz

Two Odd books in a row!  I am indeed working on my ODD.  My appreciation for Odd Thomas grows and grows.  I love his simple, unassuming ways.  I thrill at his optimism and at his thought provoking philosophical approach to life.  While my imagination falls far short of Dean Koontz's there is a familiarity and  and brotherhood that warms me every time I read his work.

Here are a few philosophical gems:

"Without faith to act as a governor, the human mind is a runaway worry generator, a dynamo of negative expectations.  And because your life is yours to shape as you wish with free will, if you entertain too much anxiety about too many things, if you place no trust in providence, what you fear will more often come to pass.  We make so many of our own troubles, from mere mishaps to disasters, by dwelling on the possibility of them until the possible become inevitable."

"Narcissists are everywhere in this ripe age of self-love, which amazes me because so much in life would seem to foster humility." 

"Knowing the names of things is a way of paying respect to the beauty of the world that sustains me and keeps my sorrow in check."

"I have witnessed others demonstrating by their addictions that chemically induced euphoria is subject to something quite like the law of gravity:  What goes up must eventually come crashing down." 

"You can't stand an idea up against a wall and execute it.  Neither can you wrap in up in a tissue of your better judgement and tuck it in a box of forgetfulness.  An idea can be the most dangerous of all things, especially if it is an idea that promises you the most paticular and exquisite happiness for which you've long yearned." 

"Maybe it's just that before anything came the word, and words are the roots of everything that our senses perceive.  Nothing can be imagined, nothing can be visualized in our minds, until we have a word for it.  Therefore, when I give myself to the free flow of any words that trip off my tongue without predetermination, I am tapping in to the primal creative power at the heart of the cosmos." 

"But if there can be a change for the worse, there can be a change for the better." 

"The best part of a Mr. Goodbar is not the wrapper, is it?  No, and the best part of a Coke is not the can.  On those nights when you lie awake, either man or boy, wondering about yourself, peeling away one layer of oddness after another, you should remember and always be grateful that the woefully imperfect person that you are, with all your contradictions and unworthy desires, is not the best of you any more than the wrapper is the best part of a Mr. Goodbar." 

And the story is interesting and a lot of fun too!

The second biggest thrill from reading this book is the promise, which comes at the end, of yet another book in the Odd Thomas series, Deeply Odd.  Can't wait!

*****

Book Review - Odditude by John R. Powers

The sub-title of this little volume says it all:  Finding the Passion for Who You Are and What You Do.

This is a great bathroom book.  Each chapter is short succinct and wonderfully clear about what one might to to enhance one's uniqueness.  In a world that increasingly seeks to homogenize the population.  Dr. Powers makes a strong argument for maintaining and developing our own individuality, our ODD.  ODD is where happiness, growth, excitement and opportunity are found. 

I loved the book and intend to spend time reviewing it often.  I hope to establish my ODD and to foster the ODD in those around me.  I have seen raw milk that was 75% cream.  All of the cream rose to the top.  Surely some became butter, some was poured over peaches, some was frozen into ice cream and some, whipped, topped a wonderful pie.  The point is, it rose above the ordinary, because it wasn't homogenized.and made EVEN with the milk.  There is ODD in each of us and fostered will make each of us better and consequently, the world will be a better place.

No doubt we'll get resistance from those who'd make us EVEN, but the effort and consequent persecution will be worth it.

I highly recommend this one.  Share it with your kids; unless you're a parent who'd rather make them EVEN because you're a control freak.  In that case, I'll share it with them.  :-)

*****

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Book Review - The Healing Code by Alex Loyd and Ben Johnson

This one came highly recommended so I dived into it with earnest intent.  I loved it...that is until I got to the actual code.  Then I got pretty squeamish about the whole thing.  The idea of the book is that all of our maladies, be they physical or emotional, are the direct result of stress.  By stress they mean something deeper more non-nondescript that the pressure of deadlines and rush hour traffic. Loyd and Johnson conclude that this deep "cellular" stress shuts off our immune system or at least slows it down.  So, the key to health is in figuring out a way to fire the immune system back up.  I buy that.

The authors explain in depth that our memories are stored at the cellular level and throughout our entire bodies.  The brain is just the central processor.  I can also buy into this.  We once had a Shetland Sheep dog we raise from a pup.  His name was Pepper.  His mother had given birth to him in an urban apartment and we took him home to live in a city house and it's back yard.  He had most certainly never seen a sheep.  One day when he was about 9 or 10 months old we took a family drive on the mountain.  Pepper was in the back seat with the kids.  We were driving slowly through the mountain woods on a dirt road.  The windows were open and we were enjoying the cool mountain air.  Rounding a bend we encountered a grazing herd of sheep in a pretty meadow.  When Pepper saw the sheep he bolted out the window, sprinted into the herd, cut out about six head of sheep and separated them from the rest.  We apologized to the sheep herder as we called the dog back to the car.  He didn't want an apology; he wanted the dog!  Pepper had never laid eyes on a sheep but encoded in his DNA was all the memory he needed to know exactly what he was bred for and how and what to do with that knowledge.  It was astounding to say the least.  If that much memory can be stored in a dog's DNA, it isn't much of a leap to think the same and more could happen for us.

So, Loyd and Johnson make a case for the possibility that lies, fears and misperceptions are stored in us at the cellular level and that this "programming" not only controls us subconsciously, but causes us unhealthy stress.  I'm quite comfortable with all this.

Their solution though, is another matter.  They are Christians and include prayer as part of the process, but they also include some rather hocus pocus Chakra type energy alignment type stuff that gives me pause.  I can't quite see how "shining" my finger tips on my Adam's apple while thinking good thoughts is going to reprogram my cellular memory.  On the other hand, I suppose it couldn't hurt, so I've been taking it for a spin.  They have case studies of instant results after just one "shining."  Not so with me.  But, as I am not a quitter and am trying to be open minded instead of empty headed, I think its only fair to give it a good serious try before making my final assessment.  So, when I'm satisfied, one way or the other, I'll come back and let you know what I think.

Book Review - The Overton Window by Glenn Beck

I've reviewed a number to Glenn Beck books lately.  This is interesting because I have never tuned in to his television or internet programs.  I've watched a portion of two on YouTube and that's about it.  I was given every book but one as gifts from conservative friends and family members.  I am not "conservative" nor "liberal", nor "progressive" though I have views that would fall under each label.  I believe in moderation in all things, though I'd hardly call myself a "moderate" either.  I guess that's my problem, the divisive nature of politics these days, the us versus them ideologies, of necessity, leaves me out.  I don't like labels and I'm not about to label myself when plenty of people are eager to do that for me.  I'd like to join the McGillicuddy Serious Party, but it is either defunct or (in my dreams) gone underground. 

That said, again, I've found a book of Beck's that is well worth the time I spent reading it.  This one, a novel, is an absolute page turner.  It is just plain fun to read, with a good deal of human warmth and interest.  The Overton Window refers to an imaginary frame within which is pictured the spectrum of what the public will tolerate.  The idea is that there are forces at work to nudge that window toward a greater toleration of tyranny.  It is not such a hard concept to accept.  We see, all around us, ample evidence that the window has moved to the left and plenty of evidence that it will continue in that direction.  The beauty of the story lies in the amazing light the book sheds on why this is being done and who is doing it.

As I said before, this is a novel, a work of fiction.  As such it is a fun, thrilling ride through intrigue, danger and personal triumph.  But, it is not fantasy.  There is a ring of truth, possibility and even probability that resonates strongly through the book.  Being a Mormon and believing The Book of Mormon, I have little doubt that there are secretive groups abroad whose motivations are greed and power and whose methods are evil and nefarious. For me, The Book of Mormon purposefully prophesies of such "secret combinations" as a warning to us of the perils of our times.  After all, it was written for us and is plainly meant to be pertinent here and now.  Beck has made such conspiracy about as realistic and credible as ever I've seen.

I hope you'll read it.  For me, it nudged the "Overton Window" back to the right by quite a bit.  I'd like to see such a movement in the overall mindset of America.  You see, it can't move the wrong way (away from freedom) unless we let it, tolerate it.  Unless we believe the lies being carefully, gradually fed to us.  Unless we accept the fear being spoon fed to us by those who first want to "protect us," then own us.  I was quite surprised by the who and how of the enemy's methods, not so much, by the why or where or when.  I'm so very glad to have a clearer idea of what we're up against.

*****

Book Review - Healthy Shame: How To Spank Your Inner Monkey! by Joseph W. Dopp

I've learned that Shame is a fundamental cause of addiction.  Shame as opposed to guilt.  The definition I accept is:  Guilt - I did wrong.  Shame - I am wrong.  Clearly shame is damaging as is presupposes that I am fundamentally flawed rather than being a person of divine potential who has made mistakes.  Even terrible mistakes.  So this title held a bit of intrigue for me and I decided to give it a try.  I didn't get very far.  While Dopp is witty, I didn't find him to be all that funny, which he was clearly shooting for.  Instead I found him irreverent and crass.  Even that I endured until he explained that a fundamental principle of his method decried what he called the prideful notion that we might ever become like God.

I believe God is my own Father and that His greatest desire is for His offspring, me and you, to grow to become like Him.  Dopp says we are clay in God's jar.  I declare that we are not clay in Gods jar, nor are we pawns on His chess board, nor sheep in His pasture nor art in His Gallery.  We are not rats in His laboratory we are His own sons and daughters, endowed with divine potentiality.  Dopp sees my position as blasphemous.  He can think as he wishes.  I however, couldn't find enough common ground in our philosophical approaches to change to warrant finishing the book.  Our views are built on entirely different foundations.

Book Review - Questing for Uberjoy by Konrad Ventana

Sweetie was given this book to review and passed it on to me.  It is available for purchase so it isn't an advanced reader copy.  I took it because of the cover picture.  It intrigued me as I've had a fondness and curiosity for the Orient ever since is lived for two years in the Philippines and visited Hong Kong, Taiwan and Japan on my way home.

Konrad Ventana is enigmatic for me.  He is obviously brilliant.  The book reads like Young Adult Fiction as the story line breezes right along.  Yet it contains a depth and maturity that is truly surprising.  Ventana's vocabulary would put Alex Trebek to shame.  At first I set to using a dictionary; and needed one in almost every sentence.  That being too tedious, though, I began extrapolating the meaning of the myriad words unfamiliar to me and just settled in and enjoyed the story, and the philosophy, and the travelogue and the anthropology of Nepal.

At first I thought the elaborate vocabulary to be ridiculous; but came to love the concise, compact, brisk style the accurate use of words can offer.  Ventana is anything but verbose.  His economic expenditure of rich language is amazing!  Equally impressive is his geographic understanding of Nepal and Tibet and his cultural and religious savy of Eastern ways.  Now, I'm no expert in these things, so he might have pulled the wool over my eyes; but I take Konrad Ventana at face value and easily assume him to be as truly brilliant intellectually as his prose makes out.

Now, I won't spoil the story for you.  Suffice it to say it is an exciting page turner that moves right along to a very surprising conclusion.

I read to learn about myself and this little tome really did the trick.  Orion the main character is obviously on an important quest.  Towards its conclusion he begins to worry about where to go next.  A problem I'm currently grappling with.  All along the journey he has had a native companion who has been both his physical and spiritual guide.  Orion wants Segunda to continue on with him - to help him determine his next destination so to speak.  He begs for this and his companion replies:

"Segunda has no answers of such originality for you." he said.  "As you might recall, Segunda was recruited to be your guide only when your path was firmly established and your course of action was already indelibly clear...  However, you should know this:  When you set out to right some wrong that needs to righted, but has not been righted yet...when you endeavor to overcome some evil that by all standards of human decency need to be defeated, but has not been defeated yet... when you set about the task of fashioning some marvelous elixir for the body or the mind that should by all measures of human value be celebrated from a place beyond the highest rooftops, and yet the voices of all the earthly authorities remain only silent or shrill ... you may again find a Segunda, to second your own emotions and to guide you on your way."

More simply put, "When the student is ready the teacher will come."  To a large degree Konrad Ventana was such a teacher for me...for which I am grateful.

Personal Note:  My latest Segunda goes by the name of Darwin.  Thanks Darwin.

So I've learned that my next quest must be found within me and that is where I shall seek.  I liked this volume enough to be certain to read the first two in the Trilogy: A Desperado's Daily Bread and The Unbearable Sadness of Zilch.  Each one appears to stand alone, so I hope being out of sequence hasn't hurt.

The cover illustration depicts a little Nepalese girl who has captured my attention.  She is not mentioned specifically in the book, but I cannot refrain from gazing into her face.  She seems to be speaking directly to me and somehow I can divine that she is asking me, "So, what's it gonna be?"  I feel compelled to answer her question.

****

Book Review - The Cellist of Sarajevo by Steven Galloway

This wonderful little work of historical fiction sat, neglected, on my bookshelf far too long.  I'm so glad I finally got round to reading it.

I fondly remember when Sarajevo hosted the Winter Olympics.  It was fun to get a peek into this wonderful, old and cultured city.  I imagined I'd like to visit there.  Since then, of course, much of the grand old place has been destroyed by war.  During the Siege of Sarajevo a bomb fell into a street and killed 22 people who were waiting in line for bread.  For the next 22 days, Vase Miskina climbed onto the rubble with his Cello and played Albinoni's Adagio in G Minor, once for each of the fallen citizens who died in the bread line.  This is the historical fact.  The rest, though fiction, reminds us of the strength of the human spirit as three primary characters, not Vase Miskina, go about their lives amid the chaos of war.

This is not a political book.  There are no references to race, religion, or particular prejudice; though those things surely played a part.  There is no justification or rationalization for the position of either side of the conflict, no attempts to persuade the reader to choose sides; though we clearly become sympathetic with the Sarajevan Citizens whose lives we follow.  This is a book about resilience, confusion, persistence, endurance, despair, hunger, corruption and the down right ridiculousness of war.  It is about the power of music and the effect of courage.  It is about the randomness of victimhood and the comfort of routine amid chaos.  It is about the learning of life's lessons in the harshest of laboratories and the quiet goodness of humankind.

Some other book may explore the minds and hearts of the aggressors; "the men in the hills;" not this one.
Perhaps they are no different than the defenders trapped in the city.  Who knows.  Some other book may explore the corrupt and opportunistic advantage-takers among the citizens of Sarajevo itself; not this one.
This one quietly places you and me in the middle of the chaos and helps us see how very good and resolute and courageous we might be as we range far and wide in search of water and bread and companionship and peace.  This book examines how we might be when our surroundings are reduced to rubble and survival becomes each day's luxury.

This morning I walked along a roadside in Rawlins, Wyoming.  The borrow pit was dry with brittle weeds and littered with trash.  Amid the withered grass and weeds stood one single bright Brown Eyed Susan blossom.  It's verdant beauty stood in stark contrast to it's surroundings.  Again, I thought of the singular precious human beings that stood as quiet reminders amid the rubble of Sarajevo.  A man, a woman, a girl, a cellist, who even in the harshest of environs, bloomed.

*****

Book Review - Will Power Is Not Enough by A Dean Byrd and Mark D. Chamberlain

I hold that Jesus Christ is the author of change.  So, it seems, do Byrd and Chamberlain.  While that simple statement is profoundly true, there are some things we each must understand in order to tap into the power of change.  This little book has been tremendous in helping me effect change in my own life.

Here are a few notions from the book that seemed especially helpful to me:

"Problems of self-control are often misguided attempts to meet legitimate needs."

"The difference between "want to" and "should" is a profound one."

"Whether we are trying to abstain from alcohol, drugs, binge eating or gambling, most failed attempts can be traced back to some unexpected emotional stress."

"When it comes to changing our lives, our energy is often better spent in setting the sail than in rowing the boat." 

These all ring very true to me.  I found it motivating to better understand the situation I was really in before I tried to make adjustments to my behavior.  Often, I can find healthier ways to meet my emotional needs, which when met, cease to compel me to meet them in unhealthy ways.

The book is replete with case studies, which both illustrate the principles being described and also to help the reader realize the nature of their own self defeating behaviors.  It is one I will definitely re-read.

Perhaps the most telling part of the book for me, was the realization, from a case study, that the lion's share of my problem lies, not in misbehavior, but in being stuck in the middle of the bridge between the things I want.  On one end of the bridge are unhealthy means for meeting my emotional and spiritual needs.  On the other end are the good things I desire.  When I fail to understand what needs I hope to meet I fail to identify the uplifting ways God has designed to meet those needs.  I don't want to do the bad behaviors, but don't recognize their authentic alternative, so resisting the bad I'm like a dog stuck in the middle of the bridge with his loved master calling from one end and some appealing smell on the other.  I shudder to think of the hours and hours I've wasted in my life, not doing bad, just stuck in the middle of the bridge doing nothing.

*****

Book Review - A Rule Against Murder by Louise Penny

This Chief Inspector Gamache edition doesn't take place in idyllic Three Pines.  At least not nearly so much.  This disappointed me at first.  It becomes interesting though, as every character is out of his/her comfort zone and it shows.  I like it because it plays well to the central theme of the story - deception.

I have long held that we lie because we are trained to.  This volume explores that issue in wonderful depth and breadth.  Referring to her mother-in-law Clara, for example, says:

Mrs. Morrow fiddled with the stem of her wineglass.
"Did you say that, Peter?"
"No, I didn't, Mother.  I'd never say such a thing."
"Because I know when you're lying, I always know."
This wasn't difficult Clara knew, since in her company they always lied.  She'd taught them that. Their mother knew where all their buttons were, and why not.  She'd installed them.

The interesting thing here is that Mrs. Morrow is in her nineties and her children are well into adulthood.

As in all of Penny's work the story, though outwardly about murder, is really just a vehicle to examine human nature.  I grew up thinking I was truly a sinner as I was clearly a liar. It took a long while to realize why I lied.  And while that may sound like an excuse; I still subscribe to the notion that Woe, is unto the liar, who shall be thrust down to hell.  Not some future Hell, but an immediate and  present one of fear and a profound lack of authenticity.

Early in the book, Thomas Morrow describes a plant in Africa that pretends to be a stone, so it won't get eaten:

"It's cunning," said Julia.  "A survival instinct."
"It's just a plant," repeated Marianna.  "Don't be foolish."
Ingenious, thought Gamache.  It doesn't dare show itself for what it really is, for fear....
Thomas said, "Things aren't as they seem."  Gamache was beginning to believe it.

And so, to survive we lie.  Makes me wonder, in my own parenting.  How often did my children feel they had to deceive me in order to "survive."  Of course I wouldn't have killed them.  But did I make it too dangerous for them to truly represent themselves for who they really are?

I think my own in-authenticity has truly been hell, right here on earth.  It is hard for a plant to flourish and grow while pretending to be a rock.  Louise paints such a clear picture of the consequences of deception as to motivate me to emerge from hiding.  Trouble is, as with the Morrows, I've pretended to be something I'm not for so long, I've lost track of who I really am.

Penny uses Gamache to quote:

"The mind is its own place, and in itself
Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n."

"A poem by John Milton," said Mrs. Finney, sitting upright next to her husband.  "it's about the devil being cast out of heaven."
"That's right said Gamache.  "The fall from grace.  The tragedy in Milton's poem was that Satan had it all and didn't (wouldn't?) (couldn't?) realize it."

He was a liar from the beginning, the Father of lies.  And of course the worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves.

*****

Pachelbel Rant

Nuff Said....

Book Review - Remembering Wholeness by Carol Tuttle

Wow!  My head is spinning!  This is quite a fun book to read.  Carol Tuttle and her style are certainly unique to Mormonism.  It was both motivating and distressing and before I can fully settle on what I think about this read, I'm probably going to have to read it again.  Overall, I'd say Tuttle is more influenced by Depak Chopra than by Thomas S. Monson.  More influenced by The Secret than The Book of Mormon. While this may not be true, it is certainly the impression I get from the book

It seemed like Carol Tuttle had a hard time deciding who her audience was.  There were moments when it seemed she was writing to Latter-day Saints specifically, but overall, it was as though she was shooting for the broader audience.  Those more intimate LDS moments could have been so much more meaningful had she cited Scriptural and prophetic references.  As it is, the book seems watered down in that regard and I found myself thinking why not just read Chopra or some other New Wave guru?  Oh, that's right, I already have.

There is a Pollyanna-esque mood in the book that also, both inspired and distressed me.  (This could be a reflection on me.)  I gathered from what Tuttle was saying, that affliction, hardship, difficulty are not necessary in mortality.  At least from here on in.  I'm not so sure that rings true.  While I believe that I can choose my own response to the things that happen to me.  And while I can accept that I do attract negativity into my life on occasion - and that I could choose to attract more positiveness; I'm not so sure life can be as entirely blissful as she wants to paint it.

I wish I could more clearly place my finger on that which is unsettling about this book.  Something disturbs me for sure.  It is not the kind of disturb I got from say, The Miracle of Forgiveness.  More like the unsettling feeling that came when I read Embracing the Light, to which Nibley responded with Embarrassed by the Light.  It just doesn't ring true, entirely.  Carol Tuttle teaches that by our beliefs, feelings and thoughts, we attract good things or bad things into our lives.  Which makes me wonder what she thinks, believes or feels that is attracting this rather negative review?

**

Book Review - Falling to Heaven by James L. Ferrell

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James L. Ferrell has done it again!  If you thought his The Peacegiver or The Holy Secret were good then you'll love this one.  Once again, Ferrell's intuitive, out of the box, doctrinally sound thinking has stirred my heart and opened my eyes.

This time Ferrell addresses the preponderance of paradox in the gospel.  As we commonly, here in the West, have trouble with paradox, we too often ignore it and it's implications.  We'd rather sweep it under the rug than bend our minds around important, but confusing principles.  Brother Ferrell has a knack for making things make sense and paradox is no exception.  

Be prepared to see a lot of things in a different light.  Here are a few favorite quotes to wet your appetite and give a few hints into the priceless gem that is this book:

But make no mistake, when I as the harmed party respond to this request by giving up my resentment and my grudge, what I am doing is repenting - repenting of my failing to love.  Forgiveness is simply a word we use to describe this kind of repentance.

Being guilty before the Lord did not keep me from his love.  On the contrary, it was the guilt that he helped me to see that invited me to him.

To any who might wonder how the Spirit could attend those who are in the throes of sin, I would say, we all are in the throes of sin.  The question for us, and the issue upon which the presence of the Spirit depends, is whether we are in the throes of repentance.  I love all the humble, broken, contrite, confessing souls who have taught me that truth.  Their honest contrition and heartfelt repentance have been invitations for me to walk in the direction they are resolutely traveling - toward the Lord...

I read this book before April Conference.  In the book Ferrell pointed out that we ought not to be in the business of forgiving ourselves.  Then in Conference, President Uchtdorf encouraged us to forgive ourselves.  I've intended to go back and review, what seemed to be conflicting advice.  I'm glad I reviewed the book and finally got that done.  I think I can reconcile the difference when I see forgiveness as repentance, and thus it is again, the Lord, who is the forgiver.

There is of course much more, but you'll just have to read it, won't you.  Unlike The Peacegiver, Falling to Heaven is not written in story form.  There are stories, but cited as individual examples.  While the style is different, the content is every bit as rich, enlightening and encouraging.  The Gospel is true and Ferrell helps its paradox make perfect sense.  I am so grateful I read this book!

*****

Book Review - Being George Washington by Glenn Beck

I think Glenn Beck is a remarkable writer.  I've enjoyed his novels and his 7 Wonders That Will Change Your Life is a must.  This one is good too, but not necessarily for its writing.  No, the writing's good, its just a bit convoluted, disjointed and cobbled together.  If the author had purpose in the organization of the material, it completely escaped me.  The book has a great, and I suspect, pertinent quote from G. K. Chesterton:

I've searched all the parks in all the cities and found no statues of committees.

Ironic.  Because this book seems to have been written by a committee.  It's like collections of research cards that got collected into a paper in no particular order.  Couple that with a unusual number of spelling and other printing errors and the book looks like it was sent to press in a rush.  Observing Beck from afar it looks like he is in a mad dash to produce, produce, produce and in this instance, it shows.

That said, I came away with a deepened respect for, heightened awareness of, broadened gratitude for the father of our country.  Beck's purpose was to motivate his audience to emulate the qualities of character so abundant in this one, pivotal figure in our history.  In that, with me, he succeeded.  I was not aware of the depth of character required to accomplish Washington's singular and monumental task.  Upon his personal integrity the entire success of the revolution and resulting Constitution and Nation were hung.  Incident after incident made him truly the indispensable man.  While I admire Franklin and Adams and Jefferson and several others from that crucial period, none could have succeeded without this one man among men.  While it is true, to some degree, the same might be said of the others, the difference is degree is phenomenal.

Washington was know for courage and leadership and inspiration, but I came away most grateful for his humility.  After citing several examples Beck had this to say:

The lessons for us today are clear - question with boldness.  I know I'm like a broken record, but if you think that your version of the truth is all that exists, then not only will you fail in pursuing your agenda, but you'll also fail in motivating anyone else to join you.  The search for truth is a lifelong quest without a destination.  Don't fall into the trap of believing so deeply in your own ideology that you cannot even see the flaws in it.

When the Constitutional Convention convened every man had is agenda.  To the man, they compromised.  Had they not, the Constitution would not have endured as long as it has.  Each man had to be humble enough to listen to the position of the others and to sacrifice a few personal darlings for the good of the whole.  No one understood or practiced this as well as did the reluctant chairman of the Convention, George Washington.  Today, compromise seems to have left our collective vocabulary and the results seem to be approaching catastrophe.  It could all be resolved if each of us were like George Washington.

While the book is not as well composed as I'd like, for it's content alone I highly recommend it.

*****

Book Review - The Cruelest Month by Louise Penny

I never cease to be amazed at what Louise Penny can teach me about myself in her novels.  This one is no exception!  I loved reading it a second time where, knowing Louise better and knowing her characters better, I better saw myself in the pages.

April is the cruelest month because it is so unreliable.  It sets you up with pretty warm days, where, trusting, you think you might step out of hiding; then it blasts you back with frigid winds and snow.  Back into to the safety of concealment.  Such it is with life, living and of course love.  So guarded, so concealed we make ourselves sick.

"Our secrets make us sick because they separate us from other people.  Keep us alone.  Turn us into fearful, angry, bitter people.  Turn us against others and finally against ourselves."

Louise offers a wonderful observation about why we keep secrets and what we do to others while keeping them.  She calls it three couplings:  Attachment masquerades as Love, Pity as Compassion and Indifference masquerades as Equanimity.  If we are keeping secrets we are masquerading as something other than what we are.  Consequently, our emotional connection with others is also costumed as something attractive, but is, in reality something else, something destructive.  Her principle protagonist, Chief Inspector Gamache, doesn't keep secrets, doesn't hide behind a mask and this little quote is so very telling as it describes the result:

"She looked at him.  She often felt foolish, ill constructed, next to others.  Beside Gamache she only ever felt whole."

 This is, of course, because of Gamache's open, honest character, which only ever displays the real deal.  Love instead of attachment.  Compassion, not pity.  And Equanimity, certainly not indifference.  Wow! the contrast is stunning.  And quite observable in my own life!  I absolutely love this notion and it is so motivating for me to be more authentic, honest and forthright in my own relationships.

"Strange in Canada, we talk all the time about the one thing we can't control.  The weather.  We can't stop a killing frost and we can't stop the flowers from doing what they were meant to do.  Better to bloom even for an instant, if that's your nature, than live forever in hiding."

Better for everybody.

Thanks again Louise for a wonderful lesson in life.

*****

 

How We View Ourselves

These days there's a lot of talk about body image.  Many of us are dissatisfied with the way we look when compared with the world's standards.  Even when shown that TV and magazine models are air brushed and digitally "corrected" in pursuit of perfect beauty, we tend to ignore reality and press to emulate this unrealistic standard of measurement.

Lately, too, I've noticed, not a few, folks in the church who are caught in a similar trap.  In fact even I, have been prey to an unhealthy dissatisfaction with what I might call my perception of my spiritual performance image.  When compared with a misshapen concept of what a successful Latter-day Saint might look like I begin to act in unhealthy ways to make myself appear to meet the standard.  I have practiced Spiritual Anorexia, others have fallen prey to Spiritual Bulimia and many other disorders that are just as dangerous and misbegotten as their physical forms.

In modern society we are trained from a very early age to make comparisons.  We are measured by comparison, graded by comparison, described by comparison and of course, judged by comparison and yes, rewarded by comparison.  God, of course, does not do this.  Caught in this mortal sphere, it is rather hard to grasp God's perfect nature in this regard.  Much of what we do in the LDS church is designed to limit comparison.  In the temple, for example, all wear white clothing, limiting the distinctions that come with our differences in status or circumstances.  All are equally invited to "Come Unto Christ" as the scripture beckons bond or free, male or female, rich or poor, black or white.

Still, there is much in our culture that subtly counters this.  Cultural behaviors that in no way make deliberate distinctions or at least have no malicious or divisive intent, but which still, because of our cultural training, discourage, depress, dishearten and even destroy.  Things like unthinkingly asking a newcomer where he served his mission (kind of hurts when you didn't.)  Or inviting brethren to sit in the Eagle's Nest at a Court of Honor, making no allowance for those, who likely, through no fault of their own, did not achieve the rank of Eagle.

This month for example, the Conference Issue of the Ensign Magazine, by implication, subtly sets some pretty lofty standards of appearance and performance, which if not observed with open eyes, might lead one to believe he is not measuring up.  Toward the end of the magazine are a number of brief biographies of newly called General Authorities.  These are wonderful, successful, Latter-day Saints whose lists of accomplishments are truly remarkable.  Doctorate Degrees abound.  Successful businesses and influential careers are the norm.  All have served diligently in many important capacities in the Kingdom and appear to have sound marriages and exemplary families.  The Church needs these accomplished individuals.  It requires their specialized skill sets and depends upon their deep spirituality.  I in no way wish to demean or diminish neither their goodness nor their worth to the Lord and His work on the earth.

But, if we as rank and file members look to them as the yard stick by which we measure our own worth, or place in the Kingdom; if we compare our positions and performance with theirs, we will likely fall into an unhealthy place that will render us less, rather than more, useful to our Father in Heaven.

Part of me wishes that beside each of those biographies were the biographies of regular members of the Church.  Not because I wish to demean the Church Leaders, but because I would like to elevate our recognition of the goodness of so very many who are right where we are.  Something like this:

Newly called as Nursery Leader in Himni, Utah 4th Ward is Sister Rosa Valero Cooper.  Sister Cooper was born to an impoverished family in southern Philippines.  At age 15 she was sold by her parents into sexual slavery and was taken to Olongago where she was subjected to prostitution near the Subic Bay US Navy Base.  There she met her future husband, a Latter-day Saint, in a brothel.  They fell in love, married and after some difficulty made their home back in Utah.  Rejected by her in-laws and eventually abandoned by her husband for another woman, Rosa has raised and educated her three children alone.  She has made a fine career for herself as a house cleaner, where she could set her own schedule and be at home when the children were not in school.  Being largely uneducated herself, Rosa impressed the value of education on her two sons and her daughter.  All have finished High School and are working their way through college.
Sister Cooper joined the church in 1983 as a result of the kind friendship of a handicapped neighbor.  Amid their loneliness and personal affliction these sweet Sisters had reached out to one another. She has served for 15 years as the Young Women's Camp Director.  Her testimony and deep simple faith have profoundly influenced the lives of dozens of young women in her Ward.  Rosie has also been Compassionate Service coordinator in the Relief Society and a councilor in the Ward Primary Presidency.
Sister Cooper's second son served a Mission to the Philippines where he was able to bring the gospel to his Grandparents.  His Grandfather now serves as the Branch President of the Cotobini Branch.  Rosa has consistently sent money home to her family greatly facilitating their prosperity and the education of her siblings.  Now she occupies her free time caring for a neighbor lady, her former Mother-in-law,  who suffers from MS.
"God has been so very good to me," says Sister Cooper.  "I don't deserve such wonderful blessings."

Would you not agree that Rosa Valero Cooper is a wonderful, successful, Latter-day Saint whose accomplishments and contributions are worthy of note?  Even emulation?  Of course!  Let us not assume that the General Authorities have not suffered severe affliction, neither that they have not had sore need of repentance and the application of the Atoning Blood of Christ in their lives.  Nor should we assume that every great Latter-day Saint had to overcome such horrendous circumstances as Rosa did.  Each of us has a story of ups and downs; opposition if you will.  And the reflection of our spiritual performance image ought to have nothing to do with the performance of anyone else.  Anyone else, that is besides Jesus, whose personal perfection, while wholly incomparable, enables us to rise above the lumps and bumps that make us each, far less than perfect.

I wish, at church, we spent less time painting a picture for each other of the perfect Mormon and more time painting a picture of the Perfect Christ.

Book Review - 7 Wonders That Will Change your Life by Glenn Beck and Keith Ablow, M.D.

First of all, I got turned off by Conservative Talk Radio quite some time ago.  Not necessarily because I disagreed with what was said.  Though there was some of that.  Mostly it was because of the divisive nature of their clamorous programs.  Beck was certainly not as bad as Limbaugh or Hannity, but all of them, in the end, were downers for me.  Chalk it up to weak character on my part if you must.  Perhaps I am an ostrich with my head in the sand, but I am far happier and far more productive if I stay away from all the hoopla.  Most of it doesn't lie within my circle of influence anyway; especially when considering where I live.

Considering that, I was reluctant to read this book.  I thought it too, would dishearten and depress me.  Oh, Contraire!  This turned out to be one of the most encouraging books I've read in a long long time.  Basically, it is the story of Beck's recovery from despair, confusion and alcoholism.  As such it is one of the more inspiring recovery stories I've read...and I've read a lot of them.

I especially enjoyed his treatment of synchronicity, "seeming coincidences actually turn out to have deep meaning and importance for...personal growth."  He called them bread crumbs and said, "Trust me:  if you just pick up the really obvious bread crumbs, you will find that you have more than enough to find your path.  It will transform your life.  God isn't trying to hide anything from you.  He is not being coy or playing game for His own amusement.  He's trying hard to show you the way."  Beck says,  "I decided to spend thirty days without dismissing any event in my life as coincidence.  Literally.  If the man at the gas pump next to mine asked me directions to a museum he was visiting, and I had recently read a magazine article about that very museum, I would go visit there.  If a woman dialed my cell phone and hung up once, then redialed and, upon hearing my voice, apologized to dialing the wrong number, I would say, "Well, may I ask who this is?"  Because maybe, just maybe, that person was supposed to enter my life in that seemingly random way.  If she hung up, so be it.  I wasn't going to dial back.  I didn't think I should have to chase bread crumbs, just pick up the ones that sort of sat still for me."

Glenn certainly made me anxious to watch for bread crumbs in my own life, which quite amazingly are more common, by far, than I expected.  Some of us might even call them tender mercies.  The key is to watch for them.

Now, I won't trouble you with any more details.  Let me just say that if you are seeking change and direction in your own life, this book is a great resource to stimulate the journey.  It most certainly has inspired and informed my own journey and I'm grateful for the great gift it was and is.

*****

Book Review - A Fatal Grace by Louise Penny

Followers of my blog will know that I am a huge fan of Louise Penny. They will also know that I've sort of reviewed this book before. This is my second time through, and I'm not through, I'll likely read it over and over. Superficially, the Chief Inspector Gamache books are about solving murders. Fundamentally, though, they are about ourselves and what goes on in our heads. As Inspector Beauvoir's grandfather once told him:

"You don't want to go into your head alone, mon petit. It's a very scary place."

I don't like to go into my own head alone for the same reason.  I think this is a primary reason for my journey back through these wonderful, soul searching books.  I feel a bit safer going into my head with Louise and her characters as my guides.

The principal theme of this volume seems to be about the junk we carry around from our childhood.  Scripts and interpretations that are skewed by misunderstanding, lies and even abuse.  It is about the crazy things we do to cope with that baggage, even murder.  In a quote regarding one of the victims we get this insight:

"Too much damage done.  We become our beliefs, and Crie believes something horrible about herself.  Has heard it all her life, and now it haunts her, in her own mother's voice.  It's the voice most of us hear in the quiet moments, whispering kindnesses or accusations.  Our mother.
'Or our father' said Gamache,..." 

As Gandhi said:

'Your beliefs become your thoughts
Your thoughts become your words
Your words become your actions
Your actions become your destiny.'

Louise Penny not only points out the problems we suffer as our common lot, but proposes real and credible solutions:

"'Let it go.  You have your own life.  Not Uncle Saul's, not your parents'.'  His face had grown very serious then, his eyes searching.  'You can't live in the past and you certainly can't undo it.  What happened to Uncle Saul has nothing to do with you.  Memories can kill, Yvette.  The past can reach right up and grab you and drag you to a place you shouldn't be......Bury your Dead.'"

But letting go, is not all that easy, it requires that we be willing to go to that most frightening place of all.

"Gamache was speaking so softly no one else could hear.  And he was speaking with open affection.  Beauvoir suddenly remembered the lesson he always hurried to forget.  Gamache was the best of them, the smartest and bravest and strongest because he was willing to go into his own head alone, and open all the doors there, and enter all the dark rooms.  And make friends with what he found..."

And having gone there, Gamache was unafraid to visit other people's heads as well, not so much critically, but empathetically.

"'...Mother...had to go all the way to India to find God and He was here all along.  She went to Kashmir and I went to the door.'
'Both long journeys,' said Gamache.  'And Kaye?'
'Kaye? I don't think she's made that journey and I think it scares her.  I think a lot of things scare Kaye.'

Gamache, or rather Louise is giving me courage to go to that scary place and yes, open all the doors.  I'm not sure about making friends yet, but I'm working on it.  Oh, the power of a truly great book!

*****

Grass Roots

I am not affiliated with any political party at present.  I feel like they're all leading us down the primrose path to destruction.  I have not been politically active for 30 years aside from regularly turning out to vote in the general elections.  I had been very active at one time resulting in a bad case of disillusionment.  I was disappointed in the system and also very disappointed in myself, who had become quite masterful at manipulating the system.  Discovering I was too foolish to have that much power I decided to bow out.

This week we heard a message from the First Presidency, read from the pulpit, encouraging us to be involved in the political process and to attend the Caucus of our choice.  As there is no independent caucus, I considered myself excused.  Then yesterday morning, I read the next article on my monthly journey through the Ensign magazine.  As is often the case, the article seemed pointed right at me.  It was called, of course, Follow The Prophet.


Normally, I go Home Teaching every Thursday night.  And had intended to do so this week.  Then I realized that doing so might hinder those I visit from attending the Caucus.  We had also been counseled by the First Presidency to cancel all meetings that might interfere with Caucus participation.  The dye was cast, I needed to follow the Prophet and leave my families free to attend, and I decided I'd better go as well.  Besides, I had often rationalized that I had not left the Republican Party, it had left me.  I still feel that way, but I realized that perhaps I was partially to blame for stepping aside and letting it go, to hell, without a fight.  So off to the meeting I went.

Early on in the meeting, which, by the way, was much better attended that they were in the old days, I learned that, due to my lack of affiliation, I could not vote or become a delegate.  I was okay with that.  I enjoyed the meeting.  The Precinct Chairman is a friend, very witty, and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves.

The chairman called for the nomination of delegates and within moments the County Delegates, were nominated, voted upon and selected.  I wondered how anyone knew who to vote for.  They are all good folks.  Most of them are active in my Ward or my old Ward.  I know them to be good people.  Is that how we choose our delegates?  My neighbor across the street is someone I admire, practically above all others, I could vote for her for that reason, but I happen to know she voted for Obama and that would not sit well with me, whether she's a good person, or not.

I decided to ask a question and was granted the privilege, despite my outsider status.

"I'd like to hear from the candidates, especially for the State Delegate, BEFORE, the vote."

"We don't do that at this level," the Chairman replied.

"Why not?"

"At this level we just share the opportunity around.  My Dad always said there are two things that shouldn't be discussed among friends, religion and politics."

Are you kidding me?  You don't want to talk politics at a political caucus?  I was incredulous.  I was about to protest when he pointed out that I was not allowed to speak in addition to being not allowed to vote.

Fortunately, I'd stirred up another rabble rouser or two who carried it from there.  One of them pointed out that he was interested in ousting Senator Hatch and wanted to know that the delegate he chose was like minded on the matter.  Makes sense to me.  I'd like to think the representatives I select will represent me, otherwise we might as well have a drawing rather than an election.  Ultimately, a compromise was reached and each candidate was given one minute to campaign for his or her election.  Hardly enough time to introduce themselves.  Somewhere, someone had written the rule that the meeting and its business must be concluded in one hour.


In the end, they chose a State Delegate who has yet to make up her mind about the Hatch issue and whose biggest delight the last time she served was a pile of free campaign T-Shirts to give her grandkids for pajamas.

Something tells me that this flimsy excuse for grass roots representation was not what President Monson had in mind when he encouraged me to go to my Caucus Meeting.  While I have made up my mind about the Hatch issue, the jury is still out about whether or not I should re-affiliate with the Republican Party.  I don't think my blood pressure could take many more such carryings on.

Leap Year Apology

I guess its okay that we have Leap Year.  I don't mind.  It's just funny that it seemed such a big deal when I was a kid.  It seemed so tragic that we couldn't get the calendar right without such a clumsy adjustment.  It seemed so hard to bear that my birthday and Christmas had to be delayed for an entire day!  I could hardly bare thinking about the poor souls who were born on that misfit day.  Why couldn't the Solstices and Equinoxes advance through the year like by birthday advances through the week?

Every four years the February and March calendars no longer match.  I like matches.  I always felt that God would, one day, reveal a calendar without such flaws.  Perhaps he will; but by then the rotations, if there are any, will likely be more precise and the earth less telestial.  Don't you think?

Now, I think there is a lesson even in this small fly in the ointment. Sometimes we have to make adjustments.  That's all there is to it.  Almost.

It seems like my life is just one big adjustment right now.  Perhaps though, it wouldn't be so if I had made more regular and measured adjustments all along.

Instead, I've lived more like a tectonic plate; building up pressure as I tried to maintain the status quo; only to experience enormous upheaval when things finally broke.  And, of course, as always it is nobody's fault but my own.  That might be fine if it didn't rattle and shake the inhabitants of the surrounding countryside.  Sorry.

Mormon Baptism for the Dead Not As Weird As They Think

When we were newly wed and living in Southern California we had a couple of Catholic friends who lived next door.  Wonderful, close friends they were.  When our first baby arrived and they discovered that Mormons don't get baptized until the "age of accountability" which we consider to be eight years old; they were alarmed, to say the least.  Their church taught that unbaptised people go to Hell.  A reasonable assumption considering Jesus' statement:

Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.    (John 3:5)

Infant baptism is a topic for another day.  Suffice it to say that we believe that children have no need of baptism as they are innocent and don't require Atonement from the effects of the Fall.

We explained this to Don and Sue, but naturally, they had serious doubts.  When the baby was about three weeks old.  Our good neighbors offered to baby sit so we could have a quiet night out together.  Loving and trusting these two sweet friends we eagerly accepted the offer.  We had a great time!

Upon our return we sensed a bit of tension in the room?  The baby was asleep and fine.  Finally Don couldn't stand the strain and they confessed that they had taken our daughter down to the Catholic Priest and had her baptized.  They explained that they loved her so much and couldn't bear the risk we were taking.

They made it very apparent how horrifying the doctrine of the necessity of Baptism actually was among most Christians.  A mandate that must not be ignored.  They told us horror stories of folks who had, for various reasons, delayed the Christening of their child, only to lose her to Hell for their folly.  We began to realize that such is true of millions of people, who never even had the opportunity to hear of Christ, let alone, make the choice to receive the blessing of baptism in their lives.  Are those huge numbers of people condemned, without hope, through no fault of their own?  We felt we knew better.  We knew that God had provided a way through which those whose lives were not touched by the message of Salvation might also be afforded that most precious choice.

Saint Peter and Saint Paul expressed such notions:

 Else what shall they do which are baptized for the dead, if the dead rise not at all? why are they then baptized for the dead?   (1 Corinthians 15:29)

For for this cause was the gospel preached also to them that are dead, that they might be judged according to men in the flesh, but live according to God in the spirit.   (1 Peter 4:6)

For Christ also hath once suffered for sins, the just for the unjust, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh, but quickened by the Spirit:
By which also he went and preached unto the spirits in prison;
Which sometime were disobedient, when once the longsuffering of God waited in the days of Noah, while the ark was a preparing, wherein few, that is, eight souls were saved by water.   (1 Peter 3:18-20)

 We believe that people who die without baptism and the knowledge of the Gospel of Christ will be given the opportunity to accept or reject that message so they may be judged as fairly as those who did have such blessings in mortality.  How could we call God just or no respecter of persons if those who were given no chance to accept him were summarily condemned through no fault of their own.

As baptism is an earthly ordinance performed with physical water and physical bodies we believe it must be done vicariously for those who no longer remain in the physical realm.  Vicarious performance is clearly acceptable doctrine, for Christ himself suffered vicariously for the sins of each of us.  Is it such a stretch to think that He might call upon us to stand in vicariously for those, who like all of us, are unable to fully redeem ourselves from the Fall of our original parents in the Garden of Eden?  He suffered and died for our sins, but He expects us to acknowledge that gift through Faith, Repentance and Baptism.  His sacrifice can only be called Infinite if it applies to every one of us.

It may be unusual doctrine, but I have far less trouble accepting it than I do the doctrine that whole populations of people are condemned as a mere condition of the circumstances, time or place of their birth.

As for you, Eli Wiesel, who are vicariously offended on behalf of Simon Wiesenthal and his parents, let me tell you of our reaction to Don and Sue's effort to save our daughter.  We shed tears of joy that we had friends who held such abiding love for us and our little baby girl.  We embraced them and rejoiced at their concern and divine intent.  They had done no harm.  When our daughter was eight she was baptized again according to our own understanding of God's plan for his children.  Where was the offence?  I think God smiled on all of us.  Besides, if it turns out Don and Sue were right and we were wrong, our little girl is in pretty good shape, don't you think?  In every such situation, someone is right and someone is wrong, unless we tolerantly choose to be right together.  If the Jews are right, then what the Mormons have done is just so much foolishness.  If the Mormon's are right Simon might just be calling you a Nincompoop right about now.  How about a little tolerance for the un-malicious intent of those who see things a bit differently.  In doing so I think God might just smile on all of us.

Note:  As The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, in a gesture of goodwill, agreed in 1995 to cease the practice of Baptism for the Dead in behalf of Holocaust victims, and as I sustain that expression of acknowledgement and sensitivity to the feelings of the Jewish people; I am pleased that the bonehead who violated that agreement has been censured by the Church and personally apologize for the breach in trust that it represents.

Perfectionism

Too often, in my quest for perfection, I lose sight of reality.  I lose sight of the very real fact that mortality is neither designed, nor meant for perfection.  Life is most certainly a learning, growing process.  One that has improvement as it's objective, but, for me, at least, the failure to measure up to some real or imagined standard has been quite incapacitating.  My quest for perfection, quite often, overwhelms and then shuts me down.  How can that be what God had in mind?

As you can see, I'm exploring my own weakness here.  Not pointing fingers.

I think I understand the problem - in my head, but making that knowledge part of my ongoing behavior is a real struggle.

I understand that:

.... if men come unto me (God) I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
(Ether 12:27)

God intended for us to be imperfect beings with weakness.  Mortality with its imperfection is a gift.  It is God who does the strengthening.

I understand that as Moroni implies in that scripture, growing strong and overcoming that weakness is intended as a principal part of the process.

Therefore I would that ye should be perfect even as I, or your Father who is in heaven is perfect.
(3 Nephi 12:48)

I even think I get that too often I put the cart before the horse in that, acknowledging the gap between my current ability and my lofty goal of perfection; I strive to strengthen myself rather than seeking to humble myself as Moroni admonished.  He knew something that I tend overlook; the fact that long before I can be perfect in and of myself, I must be perfected in Christ.  Perfection can be achieved in no other way.

Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ; and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ, ye can in nowise deny the power of God.

And again, if ye by the grace of God are perfect in Christ, and deny not his power, then are ye sanctified in Christ by the grace of God, through the shedding of the blood of Christ, which is in the covenant of the Father unto the remission of your sins, that ye become holy, without spot.
(Moroni 10:32, 33)

Clearly I must, through humility and through Grace, be first perfected in Christ, as provided by the Infinite Atonement, before I can ever hope for the power to actually live perfectly.  Perfection is all about Jesus, and the ability to live perfectly comes only in and through Him; if I choose to allow that most wonderful process to take place.  Seeking to perfect myself in any other way is utterly doomed to failure.

So, I suppose that what incapacitates me in my quest for perfection is my lack of humility.  I suspect, however, that there is another factor.  I think I have an unhealthy fear of making mistakes.  Partially born of impatience, but mostly born of pride; I don't want to appear anything less than perfect.  I want to get it right - right now!

When I was a boy my sisters took piano lessons.  I would flee the house when they practiced.  I couldn't bear to hear the same old songs and sour notes over and over again.  Later, when I had daughters of my own, I loved hearing them practice.  The sour notes didn't bother me for I knew they were a necessary part of the growth process.  No one becomes a great pianist without making sour notes.  And even when they master a piece and no longer make mistakes, the instructor advances them to a more difficult piece and the sour notes begin again.  I think the Savior feels the same way about my life.  Sure I'm going to make mistakes, they are a requirement of growth.  My tendency, though, is to project my former reaction onto Him rather than my latter.  Clearly that doesn't make sense.

Recently, I watched a video which took my piano lessons metaphor to a whole new level.  In it Brother Brad Wilcox pointed out the power of the Atonement in the process.  He explained that a mother pays for the piano lessons.  A debt that cannot really be repaid.  In doing so she enables her child to learn and grow at the keyboard.  The child can only take advantage of the gift if she practices and actually takes the lessons.  Likewise, Jesus paid for our opportunity to learn and grow and eventually become perfect.  We cannot repay Him, we can only do our best to take full advantage of this great Gift.

So, here we are to my problem.  I am so intent on being perfect, so impatient with the process and so pridefully embarrassed by my "sour notes" that I tend to abandon the key board of life and do nothing.  Certainly, that is not what God had in mind.  It becomes very apparent now, why pride is such an enormous problem.  Clearly the difference between perfection and perfectionism is pride.  For me the greatest promise, then, is:

28 And inasmuch as they were humble they might be made strong, and blessed from on high, and receive knowledge from time to time.  (Doctrine and Covenants 1:28)

Wow!  Here is the great advantage that comes of journaling (examining a problem on paper) - a new discovery!

In this context humility means joyfully sitting at the keyboard of life and playing my heart out - mistakes and all!  Joyfully taking full advantage of the price Jesus paid that I might do so.  Quite often even playing a duet with Him!

Robert Fulghum once reported a visit to a Kindergarten Class in which everyone thought of himself as a singer, dancer, athlete, artist and scholar.  He then visited a College Class in which no one felt inclined to make such claims.  Was pride the difference?  Had fear of humiliation kept them from humility?  Is this what is meant by the admonition to become as a little child?

Leonard Cohen wrote a song whose chorus inspires me:

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.

I want to ring my bells!  I hope you'll overlook my mistakes and I want to do the same for you.  There isn't time to shut down and tremble for fear of imperfection or we'll just be shutting out the light.  And, we'll hardly progress toward that perfect state we seek.

Book Re-Review - Still Life by Louise Penny

I learn better from novels than from treatises of any sort.  More is said, in fewer words in a novel.  As I identify with the characters and their problems and choices I find out where my own weaknesses and strengths lie.  I discover my humanity in a much more poignant way.  While this is true of most fiction, it is especially true when reading Louise Penny.  As this is the case and as I have a lot to learn about myself and my motives; I've decided to re-read Louise's Chief Inspector Gamache series.

Still Life is about how we tend to stagnate and then calcify in our habits and circumstances.  About how we get ourselves into traps and how we have difficulty escaping them.  It is about the lies we tell ourselves in order to continue in our self-deception.  And it is about how utterly emancipating honesty can be in our relationship with ourselves and others.

I didn't discover Louise's talent for teaching me of my own vulnerabilities until the last few of her series.  I wondered if the gift was embedded in the earlier ones as well and was actually surprised to revisit her first and discover and then plumb it's profound depths.

I remember the first time I read this I had a sense that the author knew me.  It was comforting to sit with her work.  As I read further into her work, I felt more and more that, "Here is a writer who gets me!"  It wasn't until I read this one again that I realized that her flawed characters were a better reflection of my own character, than her protagonists were.  I like the mix, for I dearly long to be like the healthy ones and see, in her examination of all their hearts that, I can move from one state to the other.

I have a shelf full of self-help books, which I think I'll toss.  Louise Penny has become my own personal therapist.  And while that my sound miserable (sort of like going to the Dentist) it is not!  It is a joyous, enlightening, thrilling ride!  Reading this book has been like going over the spillway after drifting stagnantly on the calm lake, way too long.  How she does this in a cozy mystery is beyond me, but that too is a talent I long to imitate.  There is nothing so powerful as a story.  What a story this is!

Free To Choose

Yesterday, someone noted the continuing problem of losing youth to inactivity in the Church.  He observed age 14 to be the critical point.  I have noticed this too.  14 is not an arbitrary age any more than 8 is arbitrary when considering the age of accountability.

In my work with troubled youth the age of 14 commonly stands out as the age of rebellion.  While there are younger exceptions, there are few older.  Oh, there are older rebels, but the vast majority rebelled at 14.  I believe the younger exceptions stem from accentuated abuse most of the time.  Occasionally, parents ask me how they can avoid these early teen pit-falls to which I always respond, "Your job is to teach them how to make healthy, correct, even righteous choices, and, to prepare them to have full reign to make those choices by the time they reach 14."  Then I advise them to prepare themselves to actually give full reign to their children at that time.  That's the hardest part.  Few accept my counsel.  Few have prepared their youth, to their own satisfaction, for the challenge of such personal responsibility.

Commonly, they ask, "What if I don't give them their freedom?"  To which I reply, "Then they'll just take it anyway."  14 is the age at which God intended His sons and daughters to begin to choose the direction of their own personal lives.  Parental efforts to restrict those choices will quite naturally be met with rebellion.

Another common question is, "What if I haven't adequately prepared them?  Is it too late?"  My answer is always, "No!"  It is never too late.  One of the things we all need to realize is that there are no perfect parents.  As a result no child is 100%, fully prepared at age 14.  We all know that, and you'll, given the chance, notice that the kids do too!  Remember 14 is not the age to be kicking kids out of the house.  They still need a safety net and you, Mom and Dad, are it.  If your children feel free to make their own choices, you will find them frequently seeking advice and assurance about the choices they are making.  If they feel no such freedom, you will be the last persons they will seek for counsel.

Let me give you the classic example:  At age 14, young Joseph Smith had a choice to make, "Which church should I join?"  How many of us would be willing to offer such a choice to one of our own 14 year olds?  It is clear that Joseph felt free to make such a choice.  Did he feel adequate for the task?  Clearly he did not.  But he had been well schooled in how to make such choices and given the freedom, he sought the Lord for guidance.  14 year olds are serious about things.  They are earnest about life and their futures.  They don't want to blow it.  If, like young Joseph, they have been taught that God cares about them and will joyfully entertain and respond to such questions, they are unlikely to make big decisions without first consulting with their Heavenly Father.

You will also notice that after, Joseph received his glorious answer from the Heavens, he still, willingly sought the counsel of his parents to affirm that he was on track.  I don't think Joseph Smith was all that unusual as 14 year olds go.  At least he doesn't appear to be as unusual as his parents were.

I realize these are scary times and our natural instinct is to shelter and nurture.  Too, often though, over-responding to that instinct results in smothering, rather than sheltering.  Remember we, and our children, are called to be in the world, but not of it.  The world is intended to give us experience, which must always be associated with agency, or the good work of the Lord in sending us here will be wasted.

Wild animals tend to flee rather than fight, but when cornered, and fleeing is no longer an option, fight they will.  14 year olds are no different.  If they find themselves in a situation without other options, fight they will. Watch carefully, that you do not press them into such a corner.  Watch carefully, for times when they may foolishly paint themselves into such corners.  Be sure to give them a way to escape.

Psalms 124:7

7 Our soul is escaped as a bird out of the snare of the fowlers: the snare is broken, and we are

 escaped

If Jesus is willing to break our snares, perhaps we should be prepared to do the same for our youth who occasionally become ensnared.  Even Joseph Smith fouled up a time or two as the learned and grew.

As these principles apply to parents, so they also apply to Church Leaders and Teachers, who occasionally apply Satan's manipulative arts and also reap the rebellion of our fledgling children.  Remember that agency is theirs as a God given possession, the stealing of which is evil and will most certainly satisfy Satan's objective for both you and the child.

As a litmus test you might consider that the number one symptom of the manipulator is frustration and the primary symptom of the manipulatee is rebellion.  If you are experiencing frustration or rebellion in your relationship with your 14 year old, please step back a little and let him out his corner, where he can make a more healthy choice.

I believe we can do this and that the result will be far fewer youth lost to forbidden paths than we are experiencing now.

Book Review - The Snow Angel by Glenn Beck

What a heart warming story.  I liked this one even better than The Christmas Sweater.  A story of abuse, fear, devotion, understanding, loyalty, forgiveness and love, The Snow Angel was a great book with which to start the new year.  Thank you John and Jen for and excellent Christmas present.

For me, the jury is still out regarding Beck's politics, but his fiction is so deep, heart-felt and enlightening that I have fully embraced it. One of the things that most greatly intrigued me about this book is the narrative from Mitch's point of view.  Mitch has Alzheimer's and is at a level of deep confusion.  While we can only imagine what goes on in such a misfiring brain, I think Beck has captured it in his deep, empathic first person narrative. Having worked closely with an Alzheimer's patient over the past few years, I really appreciated the perspective.

He also has an enlightening perspective of abuse in families.  Dysfunction is common in today's world, as is it's denial.  Also common though, are angels who love, nurture and rescue.  What a tribute to them this book is.  They are all around each of us.  How reluctant we are to let them offer the healing and redemption they bring.

Five Stars!

Today My Nephew, Davis, Enters the MTC

Elder Rasmussen enters the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah today.  He will be learning Spanish in preparation for service in The Dominican Republic Santo Domingo West Mission.  What excitement we've experienced as our family has anticipated his call.

He spoke in Sacrament Meeting on January 1st.  His talk was short, sweet and to the point.  I'd do well to simply post it here.  Trouble is, I haven't got a copy.  What he taught us on that day has had a profound effect on me and my attitude toward life and it's experiences.  Davis spoke of having some concern about the adequacy of his preparation to be a missionary.  As this anxiety built, he very wisely turned to his Father in Heaven, who led him to seek counsel from the scriptures.  There, he discovered a marvelous principle.  While reading the account of Noah, who built the ark, Davis came to realize that of all the qualifications Noah had in preparation for his call, ark building wasn't one of them.  Noah was prepared (and preparing) to accept the call but his preparation was that of faith, trust, obedience, willingness and diligence - not craftsmanship.

So it is with Davis.  He doesn't speak Spanish.  He doesn't understand all that will be required of him.  He is not at expert missionary.  Those are not the qualifications God is seeking of him.  His qualifications, like Noah's are related to his personal relationship with God and his willingness to do as God requires.  If he continues to trust and manifest willingness, God will qualify him for the task that lies ahead.

This sweet principle inspires me.  How often have I hesitated because I didn't feel qualified to serve the Lord. How often have I mistakenly supposed that I could not do as the Lord commanded.  It has been a week and a half since that short sweet talk spoke volumes to my soul.  Thank you Davis for your fine preparation and for beginning from day one to teach and inspire those you are chosen to bless.