Thursday, July 23, 2009

And I Thought I Might Run Out of Material

"There's a bat in the house." she said, matter-of-factly. "What?" I answered in alarm!
"There's bat in the house. Nolly carried it in and sat it beside his food dish three days ago."
"Where is it?"
"Dunno. Flew off somewhere."
"And you're just getting around to telling me?"
"Kept forgetting to tell you."

First thought: An excuse to kill the cat!
Second thought: What an amazing woman.
Third thought: I wonder if it'll stink bad enough that we can find and dispose of it.

You need to know that this conversation didn't surprise me. Sweetie is a retired biology teacher. Stuff like this is not so unusual. I once opened the freezer to get an ice cream bar and found a frozen baby hedgehog in a sandwich bag. She didn't kill it, but since it died she thought it ought to be taken to school for show-and-tell or something.

Later we told Katie about the bat. She sort of freaked, but we calmed her down by giving it a name. Sweetie knew Kates found Edward of Twilight to be a bland, innocuous character unworthy of the story's potential, so we gave, posthumously I thought, that moniker to the creature. It worked. Katie somehow was settled by the inference that the bat too, was bland and innocuous. I hoped to help by repeating the name in a British accent, "Eddwudd, Eddwudd, Eddwudd." I put a little rattle in my voice giving it an Elmer Fudd overtone. The gals agreed that Stephanie Meyer's protagonist was about as interesting as Elmer Fudd and so was the bat. Turns out that neither was much of a Vampire either.

More after I get back from helping Kirk pour cement......

Back. Back ache......

As it happens, I haven't been sleeping well lately. Last evening was no exception. I'd caved and had a nap in the afternoon, compounding the problem. I read, 'til I finally got dozy around 12:30 AM. I crawled into bed without disturbing the doziness and conked off.

"Are you awake?"
"I am now."
"Are you too hot? Do you want the swamp cooler turned on?"
"I'm just right. How about you? Too hot?"
"No, I'm fine, just worried about you."

I got up and read some more. Dozy again at about 2:00 I crawled back into bed. I was dreaming about cliff diving at Lake Powell.

"The bat is hanging on the wall in the library."
"Would you please go help him find his way outside?"
"Yes dear."

I look at the clock. It's 2:37.

I ask, "What are you doing up anyway?."
"Too hot, couldn't sleep."

Am I expected to catch the subtle nuances, sleep deprived, in the middle of REM? I secretly wish I could, but I don't complain.

Eddwudd is the cutest little thing you ever saw. Nice rich brown coat of fur. Pleasant features. Rather tidy looking all in all. Sweetie shuts me in the library with him. I shudder momentarily, remembering a time in my youth in the Randlett Gym, shut in the furnace room with Brad and Aloin, two badminton rackets and about 400 bats. But I digress.

Regaining my composure I remove the screen hoping he'll turn on the SONAR and quickly fly out the window. He doesn't. I grab the Pik Stik, with it's pistol grip on one end and thumb and forefinger on the other. With an arm length and a three foot tool I feel pretty safe. I want to be gentle. Eddwudd is a bit put out to have his sleep disturbed by a mechanical hand. I'm sympathetic. Fearing I'll smush him, I can't quite pull him free of his grasp on the stippled wall. He flies across the room; clearly looking to avoid a confrontation. I relax a little. Sweetie passes a bottle through the door. That works and momentarily Eddwudd is a free bat. I wish him well as he flies off into the night. Hope he feels the same way about me. But then, I remember that he's bland and innocuous, so I don't expect a thank you card.

I read some more and achieved dreamland Nirvana around 4:00.


Anonymous said...

Dad, that's hilarious! What I don't get, is that I was awake this WHOLE time and didn't hear a thing. And of all the times that I went upstairs, NO ONE was awake. But I do remember passing the Library door and hearing a noise, so I spooked and scurried my way on down the stairs. I wish I could have seen him. Poor Eddwudd. Hey! Can we get a dog and call him Jacob, who is NOT bland and innocuous? :D

Booklogged said...

Is Sweetie already in the realms of Alzheimer's?

Candleman said...

No way!

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