Anybody Have a Flashlight?

I called Randy today and turned down his generous offer of a job. I'm still scratching my head about it. Randy and I've been friends since High School. We've laughed and cried together. We've served in the Kingdom together. We've hiked Grand Canyon together. We've helped each other through crises. We've celebrated one another's triumphs. We've wondered at one another's trials.

Most of those years our circles have not overlapped and we've spent months without much contact. I've long prayed that God would allow our paths to merge more. And now here is the answer to that prayer and I have to decline. I'd explain it to you if I understood it myself.

I guess if you needed a short answer I'd have to reply with, "Stupor of thought." I've lived long enough to know I should go with my feelings and working with Randy, though appealing beyond description, doesn't feel right. Apparently, Heavenly Father has something else in mind for me.

Randy asked if another of my prospects had come through. That would have been nice. No, I have applications for employment out there, but have had no response from any of them. Of course that makes my decision to decline Randy's offer seem even more irresponsible and foolish. Still, I must go with my feelings. Interestingly, Randy seemed like my decision confirmed feelings of his own. Being Pals both of us would have loved working together, yet both of us sense that God has something else in mind for each of us. There is no point speculating why or what this should be. Perhaps, the answer will one day be revealed, maybe we'll never know.

And so, for now, I sail blindly into the darkness of my future, trusting God to be at the helm. While a flashlight would be nice, if God is my Captain I need not fear. I'm certain that out there, in the darkness, God has a blessing for me. I have no inkling how that blessing will present itself. It could be buried treasure on some island of comfort. It could be smooth sailing on a bright tranquil sea. I could be a disastrous wreck on the rocks of some unfamiliar shore. And it could be a heart wrenching storm of monstrous proportions. Whatever it is, it will be life. And life is what I signed up for.

I have only one hope and that is to tarry. I want to serve. I want to reflect the light of Christ into the life of someone in the darkness of despair. I want to love. I want to pour the love of Christ into the wounds of those I meet. I want to care. I want to show to those I encounter that they matter not only to me but to God. I want to teach. I want to share what I've been given all my days. I want to live!