Its Time For A Regulation in the Church

In Alma 62:44 we read, "...it had become expedient that a regulation should be made again in the church."  Call it the Second Law of Thermodynamics, or Satan's influence.  Call it the foibles of mortality or the fallen state of the natural man.  What ever you call it, it seems to be the common lot of life here on earth; things tend to go downhill to a more corrupt and chaotic state.


Such is the case with Funeral Potatoes.  Back in the day, Funeral Potatoes were the cat's meow in my book.  I was often tempted to crash the luncheon following the passing of total strangers.  In those days that blessed concoction of shredded potatoes, sour cream, green onions, Campbell's soup and cheese was the most comforting, delectable, thing ever served in a cultural hall.


Now, please realize that I am one who never fails to step into the kitchen and express my gratitude to those wonderful sisters whose compassionate service has blessed us on such a day.  Far be it from me to criticize their earnest and much appreciated efforts.  They are earnest in their labors and are surely only desirous of doing what is right.  It is likely they, who are the most victimized by the corrupted recipes they've inherited.


It is probable that a mere typographical error or misplaced line of text has led their good intentions into such dreary darkness.  There are frequent stories heard of a child who, upon walking into the kitchen and seeing funeral potatoes emerge from the oven, has asked, "Who died?"  It seems most certain that no one ever tastes them at home.  Additionally, we cannot be influenced by social pressures to accommodate some gentile's distaste for onions.  Onions are not prohibited by the Word of Wisdom despite claims of some detractors who would have us settle for less than perfection.


When funeral potatoes first came on the scene one could count on their yummy deliciousness at every special occasion.  Gradually though, more and more presentations of the gem were declining in their wonderfulness.  My dismay led to a practice that, for a long time, remedied the problem for me.  I would be certain to be near the end of the parallel lines that moved the length of the serving table.  It always began with plates and utensils, then came the ham followed by casseroles of funeral potatoes.  Usually four were presented at a time.  I would take a small sample of each and step aside to taste test the four.  At first I was eliminating the corrupted version but gradually, I found I was seeking the ONE.


I've been to two funerals this month.  To my dismay and utter astonishment none, were even close to the divine standard upheld when the original recipe was revealed.  Some I could barely choke down.  This is when I determined to set upon a quest to regulate this blessed ritual in the Kingdom.


Here is our family's original recipe:

Funeral Potatoes

10-12 potatoes                                            2 bunches green onions

2 cans Cream of Chicken Soup                    1 pint sour cream

2 cups grated cheddar cheese

Boil the potatoes whole and in their skins until just barely tender.  Cool, peel, and shred.  Slice or dice the green onions.  Mix all ingredients together and pour into a 9 X 13" pan.  Bake 30 - 40 minutes at 350 degrees.

I'll allow that frozen shredded potatoes be used in the interest of time and convenience.  It is a very simple recipe, so there is no need to further modify it.  Now, I am not so stubborn that I would not consider some other recipe and would be willing to try any suggestions you might offer.  Still, I cannot imagine anything better than the simple one shown above.


Brothers and Sisters, it is time that we no longer have our mourning exacerbated by this oversight of church standards.  Need we mourn the loss of funeral potatoes at the same time we are bereaved?  Our sainted mothers would  roll over in their graves if they knew of the dwindling of such hallmark tokens of our heritage.


I, therefore, call upon the General Relief Society Presidency, Stake Relief Society Presidencies, Ward Relief Society Presidencies and Relief Society Sisters everywhere to gird up your loins and go forward in faith that Funeral Potatoes might once again be enthroned in their Celestial place.  Terrestrial and sometimes Telestial potatoes will never do.  I for one would not be offended if Section 139 of the Doctrine and Covenants were to make this recipe to be part of the canon of truth.