I don't know anybody who tries harder than I do, with less results. Or, so I've been telling myself lately. My frustration level has been through the roof. I'd better not bore you with the details. Suffice it to say that lately, no, for as long as I can remember, every thing I touch seems to turn to crap. It seems like I have the anti-Midas touch.
I subscribe to the notion that if you find yourself in a hole the best thing to do is quit digging. I have have made Herculean efforts to do that. Still, it seems the hole is digging itself. It's as if all my previous digging created some sort of inertia that has become self perpetuating.
My pit of bondage keeps growing, exponentially.
Tonight I found myself complaining that my belief in Mosiah 7:33 has become sorely shaken. The promise of relief from bondage was offered if I would turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart and serve Him will all diligence of mind. I have accepted that it must come on the Lord's time table and in His own way. I had hoped that my burdens might be lightened in the interim; but they only seem to get heavier. So I beat myself up for having something less that full purpose of heart, something less than all diligence of mind. Having lost my mind, its a wonder I can apply any diligence at all.
I went back and reviewed my service of the past several months. I also examined my faithfulness and examples of my application of trust. Both seemed to fall into the Second Mile category. So why am I still sinking deeper into this pit of bondage and despair?
With no small measure of gnashed teeth and clenched fists, I seethed, "If I could sweat all the sweat, and cry all the tears, and bleed all the blood in the world, it still wouldn't be good enough, would it!"
To which the Spirit quietly replied, "That's right."
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