Emotional Resilience

 Back in January 2021 I was invited to participate in a then new Self Reliance Course sponsored by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to which I belong.  The new course was called Emotional Resilience for Self-Reliance.  Currently it is called Finding Strength in the Lord - Emotional Resilience.  Almost immediately I felt a pressing need to participate.  I was 70 years old and keenly aware that if ever there was a time in my life that I might need emotional resilience it would be in my near future.  The next decade or two are bound to present me with drastic changes in my life.  During that time my wife or I could lose our health, become invalid and at some point actually die.  I found myself wondering if I was prepared to deal with those changes?  Could I actually cope with both the unknown of it, as well as the inevitability of it.  I signed up for the course.

I am so grateful that I did and that I took it seriously.  I’ve been through a lot in my life and I have coped well enough, with what has happened, still I felt somewhat unprepared and found the course beneficial in every respect.  Further, I made friendships that I expect to last for the balance of my life!  It was so worth my while!

I write this now, from the perspective of having dealt with some of the changes I anticipated.  I had hardly finished the course when I was called to serve in the Bishopric, a bullet I had thought I had dodged.  It was a blessing in so many many ways, but was also quite a challenge.  My health had begun to decline and keeping up with the Deacon’s Quorum was mostly accomplished, but really quite difficult.  Then came the big change.  In February of 2022 I was beset with debilitating Rheumatoid Arthritis.  It began in my feet and legs making it difficult to walk.  Gradually, it moved up to my hips and shoulders and most recently to my wrists and hands.  I went to see my Doctor in late February and he referred me to a Rheumatologisst, but he couldn’t see me until the 24th of May.  I was miserable and missing Church and my other assignments quite frequently.  I had two weeks of respite during the long wait, when my Doctor gave me two week long breaks by giving me steroids.  I’m still amazed at the complete relief those would give me.  Another respite came when our Ward boundaries were changed and I was moved out of the Ward and thus released from the Bishopric.

At first this affliction knocked me for a loop, but one day, reviewing what I’d learned in Emotional Resilience class, I began to consider what was real and what was not, how much of my suffering was imagined and how much was actual.  I realized in that process that I’d been living like a man with no future.  I decided to imagine a future and pursue it.  I must say that the steroids helped.  I took those two weeks, which were each a month apart, and did loads of yard work including planting a vegetable garden. I don’t think there is any greater benefit to gardening that the faith it represents as we anticipate the growth and yield of a vegetable garden.  It is the perfect example of expecting a future.

Reviewing what I’d learned in the class also helped me to deal in realities, such as the since proven fact that the Rheumatologist wasn’t going to fix me over night.  Here I am, two and a half month’s later with pitifully little progress as yet.  In fact the meds they are giving me add constant nausea to my ongoing complaints.

Best of all for me, was the assistance I received in identifying what I CAN do, rather than dwelling on what I cannot.  For some inexplicable reason, Arthritis has not effected my ability to type in the least.  My fingers are stiff and sore and I sometimes can’t open pill bottles or pull up the covers in bed, but for reason’s known only to God, I suffer not pain or restriction at all to sit here and type this.  Go figure. That realization has given me a great deal of pleasure and returned me to writing even more.  I’ve been working on a book that has long since been simmering on the back burner.  My journal keeping has not faltered and now, here I am blogging again.

I must say that while I’ve been discouraged, while it is quite apparent that my garden yield is going to be pathetic, while the weeds have taken over and the lawn has only been mowed by generous neighbors all summer, I am happy, content and optimistic through all of this.

A year and a half ago I had no idea this would happen, but God did, and in His kindness, not only prepared a resource to help me, but prompted me to make use of it.  It is ever more plain to me that the new name of the course most certainly applies, I have and continue to find strength in the Lord.

There remains an even more tender and poignant change in all of this for me.  During this same period of adjustment several close and valued loved ones have chosen to leave the Church.  This has been a devastating blow for me.  It has not diminished my love for them, but has given me cause for concern on their behalf.  Again the things I learned in the Emotional Resilience course has been so helpful.  Here too, I find strength in the Lord!  He loves them even more than I.  He is still watching over them, as am I.  I am not appointed to be God’s Sherriff as Elder Stevenson so wonderfully put in this Conference past.  I am appointed to Love, as I have always done, to share as I have always tried to do, and to invite as I intend to continue doing. While the Lord prophesied that even the very elect would be deceived, and while He has admonished us to beware, lest we be deceived, I have yet to find a place in the scripture that condemns the deceived, only the deceiver.  Hope and faith, and trust in the Lord remain.